


All the King's Men

by westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist



Category: The West Wing
Genre: Angst, Episode: s01e22 What Kind of Day Has It Been, F/M, Humor, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-07-10
Updated: 2008-07-10
Packaged: 2019-05-15 04:21:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 22,201
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14783508
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist/pseuds/westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist
Summary: Josh and Donna get together after the shooting.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> A copy of this work was once archived at National Library, a part of the [ West Wing Fanfiction Central](https://fanlore.org/wiki/West_Wing_Fanfiction_Central), a West Wing fanfiction archive. More information about the Open Doors approved archive move can be found in the [announcement post](http://archiveofourown.org/admin_posts/8325).

LEO’S POV 

My attention was drawn immediately to the prone form in the hospital bed, as soon as I heard the noise. I put my newspaper aside, rose from my chair, and moved to the bedside of the man I’d come to think of as a son all those years ago. 

Josh had only just been wheeled in from recovery to a room in ICU a few minutes ago, and I have been waiting for him. He had woken up very briefly when he came out of surgery, but had fallen back asleep again soon after. I had only just heard his call now. 

“Do you need something, Josh?” I ask bending down near him. I have to strain to hear him, and even had to ask him to repeat it again. It’s strange to see Josh, who’s normally so vocal, hardly be able to open his mouth. I tell you, it’s weirding me about a bit. Well, quite frankly, the entire night has been weirding me out a lot. 

When I found out the President was shot, I was devastated. 

Or so I thought. 

Until I found out about Josh. That news damn near broke my heart in two. Josh has been the son I never had. Josh’s family and my family have been very close. For a while there, Jenny and I, and Noah and Sarah thought that maybe one day Mallory and Josh would get together. Looking back, I don’t know why we ever thought that. They’d never shown any kind of romantic interest in each other. Mallory’s an only child, and when Joanie died, she just sort of stepped into Josh’s sister’s role and that was that. They’d been tight like that ever since. He’s been pestering her relentlessly over Sam. I must say, to this day, as close as Mallory and Josh are, I could never quite figure out how it worked out that Josh never introduced her to Sam. How is it that those two never met before a couple of months ago? Who knows? Mallory and Josh are both so stubborn and hot headed, sometimes I actually have to remind myself that they’re not actually related. 

“Where’s Donna?” was the barely audible whisper from the bed. 

“Donna?” I ask. “You want Donna?” 

“Donna.” he repeats. 

What the hell does he want Donna for? Maybe he’s just loopy. Maybe he’s thinking he’s got to tell her what to do with Operations. Maybe he’s thinking of work. I mean, why else would he want Donna? 

“Josh, if you’re worried about your office, don’t.” I assure. “We’ve got it covered. And I’ll talk to Donna. I’ll help her keep things afloat while you’re out.” 

“She’s not here?” he asks. 

Oh crap. He looks devastated. The thought that she might not be here is truly upsetting to him. 

“No, she’s here.” I quickly assure. I mean, anything to get this lost look off his face. “She’s been downstairs waiting to hear how you were.” 

The sides of his mouth curl very slightly. He’s happy to hear that. 

“Get her?” he asks me. 

“You sure you want to see her now?” I ask. “You don’t want to rest for a while?” 

“I need her.” he says. 

“All right, son.” I say patting his hand. “I’ll go down and get her. I’ll be back in a little bit.” 

I didn’t quite make out what he said next, but I swear it sounded like he said “Hurry.” 

I leave his room and walk down the corridors towards the elevator, playing this over and over in my head, the look on his face when he thought she wasn’t here and the fact that he said, “I need her.” Josh and Donna have always had a different dynamic than the rest of staff senior staff has with their assistants. Sometimes I really wonder if they aren’t surgically attached at the hip. I actually remember wondering why she wasn’t there tonight. It’s not like Josh to not have brought her. Of course, now, I’m happy he didn’t. The less people that were there tonight, the better, but it was still strange. 

They really are something to watch work, those two. They can have a whole conversation without using a complete sentence. I’ve actually witnessed them have a whole conversation without even opening their mouths. It’s like, they just...know. Or more accurately, Donna just knows. I’ve known Josh all his life, I’ve never seen ANYONE deal with him the way Donna does. She jokes that she’s impervious to him, and I really kind of think she is. At least impervious to his little Josh-tantrums, as I like to call him. Josh not getting his way can be a bit much to handle at times. 

Donna’s the only one that can actually control him. I used to think Mallory could control him, but then I saw that she just stands back, waits for the mess he causes, and then bitches at him about how stupid he was. It’s entertaining if you get to witness it. Josh is rarely stupid politically. Smart as a whip, that kid is, and he’s a crafty little sucker, too. Sometimes he’s too smart for his own good. But all that genius politically, comes with a consequence. He has a hard time keeping a relationship with a woman. He always seems to screw it up somehow. I think maybe he’s too devoted to his work, and they don’t get it. But then, that doesn’t make sense because he dated Mandy, and she’s a player in the party. 

Aw, screw it. I don’t really know the answer there. All I know is that he’s actually managed to keep Donna around. I remember the day he told me that she hired herself. He didn’t really know what to make of it. One day, she showed up, hired herself as his assistant and then was just always there. At first, he kept forgetting about it. CJ once smacked him and told him he better stop losing his assistant like she was a set of keys. But then after a few weeks, it happened. They meshed. 

I make my way back down to the waiting room. Donna’s in there with CJ and Toby. Sam’s off doing the morning shows. I stop before opening the door and take a look at Donna through the window. 

Now I truly see devastation. She looks like an empty shell. I don’t think she’s been here since she got here tonight, or last night...hell, does anyone know what time it is? 

I take the time to study her while nobody has seen me here yet. And as I watch her, it hits me like a Mack truck. 

These two are in love. 

Crap. 

They are. They’re in love. He asked for her as soon as he was lucid. I bet when he opened his eyes before he was disappointed to see the President and not Donna. She looks like she’s waiting for someone to come tell her it’s okay to breathe again. 

I wonder if they know? I bet they don’t. I bet they don’t see it. Actually, I bet Donna’s figuring it out right now. I wonder if I should do anything about this. I wonder what I even CAN do. 

Well, I’m not spending too much time dwelling on it now. My son’s looking for Donna. Donna he’s going to get.


	2. All the King's Men

DONNA’S POV 

He wants me? He’s actually asking for me? Leo’s looking at me like I’m suddenly going to give him some sort of explanation. Not happening there, boss. I’M just figuring this out myself. You think I’m going to let you in on it? Sure. Leo, I’m in love with Josh. If you need me, I’ll be updating my resume. 

I follow Leo out of the waiting room, and quite frankly, I think I’m floating. My heart is so light right now. I can’t believe he’s asking for me. 

He probably wants me to bring him work. 

When we get off the elevator and step on to the ICU, Leo stops and takes my hand. 

What the hell? This is REALLY weird. 

“Donna,” he says. He’s got his serious face on. I have to tell you, I’m scared witless of that face. “When you go in there...well, he’s hooked up to a lot of machines and he looks really pale. He’s also on a lot of drugs and pretty tired.” 

“I know, Leo.” I nod. “Dr. Bartlet told me what to expect.” 

I realize I sound a lot stronger than I feel. I just want to see him. I just want to talk to him. I just want to touch him. 

Oops! Best not to keep having that thought while standing here talking to your boss. 

We walk down the corridor and into his room. I stop dead in the doorway. 

Hear that noise? That’s the sound of my heart breaking. I suddenly could care less that Leo’s standing in the room with me. I can feel the hot tears streaming down my face. He’s really the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen before. I can hear the heart monitor beeping and it’s like Mozart playing in my ears. The last time I saw him, his heart was stopped. Now I want to sell tickets so people can hear it play. 

His eyes are open and they’re looking right at me. He raises his left hand up off the bed a few inches and I cross over to him, and link the fingers of my right hand with his and he gives a gentle squeeze. 

“Don’t cry.” he says softly. 

“It’s okay. They’re just tension tears.” I lie. 

“Liar.” Yup, he saw right through it. He knows me too well. And quite honestly, I just don’t have the strength, or desire for that matter, to be guarded. And seriously, I haven’t even looked to see if Leo’s still in the room right now. 

“Josh, now that Donna’s here with you, I’m going to go back to the White House for a bit. I’ll check on you later.” 

Shit. Leo was still in the room. I’d take my hand from his, but I feel a light squeeze, and I know that just that small amount of pressure from Josh is probably draining his strength. I wouldn’t let go of him right now for anything in the world. Job be damned. I can type, I can find a job somewhere else. Right? 

Josh looks at Leo for a few moments without saying a word and Leo’s looking back. Something’s going on there. I could be misinterpreting it because it’s hard to see through all these tears. I wipe them away with my free hand and look over to Leo. 

“Donna,” he says. “Your job is here, until I tell you otherwise.” He nods once to Josh and walks out. 

Thank God! 

If Leo told me I’d have to be at the White House tomorrow, I don’t know what I would have done. Probably get fired for insubordination. 

I look back at Josh, and I know. I won’t leave him now. He asked for me. He needs me. 

Yes. It has occurred to me that this is not in my job description. It is not my job to wait here for news of how he’s doing. That’s what telephones are far, and those nice, shiny, government issued cell phones we all have. It’s not my job to be at his bedside and nurse him back to health. At least, I assume it’s not. I’ve never actually seen my job description. Josh claims to. 

But have you noticed the tears I mentioned? Yeah. Josh and I are more than our jobs. I only just figured it out myself tonight. I mean, I always knew we were different; closer than the others. But tonight, I figured out why that is. 

“Please stop crying.” he says again. 

“I can’t.” I whisper. I raise our joined hands and press my forehead to them. What’s he do? He raises his other hand and puts it gently on top of my head. He strokes gently with his thumb. 

Okay. Yeah. Now, I’m really losing it. I grab his hand from my head with my other hand, but I don’t let go. I just bring them back down again. 

“God, I was so scared, Josh.” I say, still crying. I’m not sure it would be physically possible for me to stop right now. 

“I know. I’m sorry.” 

“You have nothing to be sorry for. You didn’t do anything wrong.” I say emphatically. “I don’t know if you’ll remember me telling you this, but they got the guy on the ground, Josh. The two up top are dead, and they caught the guy giving the signal on the ground.” 

He nods once. He probably had no idea about the details I just gave him. I mean, he has been in surgery and recovery for 18 hours. 

I sit down gently next to him on the bed. I free my left hand from his right and move it up to stroke his hair. His eyes close briefly and he turns his head towards my hand a minute. When he opens his eyes, I nearly lose it again. It’s right there written across his face. 

He loves me. 

He loves me as much as I love him. And I’m filled with joy and impending doom at the same time. 

“Oh Joshua,” I whisper. “Please don’t look at me like that.” 

“I don’t have the strength not to.” he says quietly back. 

“Try.” 

“You’re looking at me like that.” 

Shit. So much for that drama major.


	3. All the King's Men

JOSH’S POV 

I’m recovering from 14 hours of surgery, dammit. I’ll look at her any way I damn well please! I love her. I figured that out lying out on the pavement before...last night...hell, I have absolutely no idea when that was. Whenever that was, I figured it out. My only thought there was to thank God that she wasn’t there. It wasn’t to pray to God to let me live, it was thank Him for not having Donna be there. If she was by my side...God, that would have been messy. 

Now she’s here, crying her eyes out. In front of Leo, no less. And she is. She’s looking at me the same way that she’s accusing me of looking at her. I’m in love with Donna; and she’s in love with me. 

We are so completely screwed. 

Well, the one good thing we’ve got going for us is that things between me and Leo are different than things between Leo and the rest of the staff. He’s not going to fire us. Mallory would kick his ass if he did. 

Mallory. Oh shit. She’s going to freak out when she gets here. But she’ll be my ace in the hole with her dad. Leo hates it when Mallory is mad at him, especially now because of the divorce. 

What? Don’t look at me like that. I’m willing to play dirty to keep Donna. Well, I’ve got to actually get Donna first before I can keep her. But something tells me that I’ve got her already. I think I’ll need Mal’s help here, too. I always screw this stuff up. I don’t want to screw things up with Donna, especially since we’ll be working together, too. 

Oh yeah. I’m not losing her at work. People like Mary Marsh can kiss my currently incapacitated ass. 

These drugs are making me feistier than usual, I think. 

I wish I could make those tears go away. She’s breaking my heart right now. 

“Donna.” I say softly. When did talking get so hard? She looks up at me and her eyes are quite possibly the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. They’re sparkling. I mean, they’re filled with tears and that’s making me nuts, but they’re bright, and unguarded, and they’re beautiful like this. I wonder how long I’ve got before the guard goes up. “Will you do something for me?” 

“Anything.” she says immediately. She’s just so damn adorable. 

“Come lay by me.” 

“Well, I’m not doing that.” she says quickly. What the hell? She just said anything. 

“Why?” 

“You just had surgery. I don’t want to hurt you.” Oh, I see. 

“Well you better be careful then.” 

“Josh.” 

“Donna.” 

She sighs and looks at me. She doesn’t understand. This is the best I can muster at the moment. Why I’m so god damn weak, I can’t seem to figure out. If I could yank her into my arms and kiss the hell out of her, I would. But for some reason, nothing’s working. 

“One wince, Joshua, and I’m back in my chair.” she says standing up and coming around to the other side of the bed. 

“Why are you going over there?” 

“You got shot on that side.” she says. Oh. Okay. It occurs to me someone needs to start explaining some things. 

She climbs onto the bed with me. I raise my arm, with quite a bit of effort, I might add, and she drops her head on my shoulder, curling against me. She doesn’t know where to put her hand. I take my left hand, entwine our fingers again and drop it gently on my stomach. I turn and kiss her forehead. I can’t help it. 

We fall asleep like that. I wake up...you know, there’s no clock in here...how the hell am I supposed to what time it is? I feel a lot better now. There’s a nurse adjusting tubes. She’s looking at me disapprovingly. Yeah, don’t worry lady, I disapprove of being shot, too. 

Oh wait, she means Donna. 

“She’s not supposed to be there, Mr. Lyman.” the nurse admonishes. 

“Take it up with the two uniform agents at the door.” I saw them before. I’ve got absolutely no idea what they’re doing out there. Donna said something before about three guys. I’ve got absolutely no clue what’s happened. “You try to touch me, and they’ll put you down like a rabid dog.” 

“The President was right, you do get cranky.” she says. 

The President?! Shit! When was he here? 

“You’ve talked to the President?” I croak. 

“Yes, he came by an hour or so ago to check on you.” she says. “And you’re not supposed to be talking. You were intubated for 14 hours.” 

I really am completely screwed. Wait. I’m not supposed to talk? Oops. That makes sense. I’ve got no voice, and talking makes me breathless. 

“My name is Megan.” she says. “I’m your evening nurse. You buzz me if you need anything. Your doctor will be by in the morning to explain everything to you.” 

“Can you?” 

“No. I really can’t.” She apologizes. “You’re going to have questions that I can’t answer. It’s best to wait for him anyway.” 

I sigh. And that made me really tired. I guess I can wait. I’ve got nothing else to do and it’s not like I’m apparently going anywhere at the moment. 

She leaves the room, and I drift off to sleep. When I wake up again, whenever that is, it’s to a light touch gently stroking my cheek. I smile, or at least I try to, and turn my head in her direction. I can get used to her waking me up like this. 

When I look in her eyes, I’m surprised. They’re searching for something. Answers. Yeah, I’m right there with you, Donnatella, I’ve got NO idea what’s going on. 

“You’re still looking at me like that.” she says softly. 

“How about that?” I say. She sighs. But she continues to look at me, and her thumb is still stroking my cheek. These, I think, are good signs. 

“Donna, what happened?” 

“That’s what I’m trying to figure out.” She means us. I fall back on my previous statement of her being adorable. 

“To me. What happened to me?” 

“Oh, Josh, I’m not really...” 

“Just tell me anything you can.” 

She sighs and looks at me. She doesn’t want to. She wants to wait for Leo, or the Secret Service, and the doctors to tell me. I need her to. I need her to at least start. 

“From what I’ve been told, there were two shooters in an office building across the street. They were a few stories up. There was a guy on the ground that gave a signal to them. The secret service killed the two shooters. The guy on the ground got away, but they got him at a diner in Maryland or something. Toby, CJ, and Sam say you walked out after them. You weren’t up by them when the shooting started.” 

I don’t remember any of this. The last thing I remember is talking to Charlie. At the moment, I don’t remember anything else. 

“Toby found you.” she says and her voice catches. I bring my hand up to hold hers. This seems to have taken a bit of a toll on her. “He said you were sitting on the ground up against a wall. You were shot in the side. The bullet collapsed your lung and severed an artery. You had 14 hours of bypass surgery to fix it.” 

BYPASS SURGERY!!! I had bypass surgery? They stopped my heart!? I close my eyes and turn away from her. 

Fuck. 

Bypass surgery. It’s going to take me months to recover from this. Physical therapy, I’m going to be out of work. For what? 

“Why?” 

“I don’t know, Josh. I’m not a surgeon.” she says shaking her head. 

I don’t understand what’s happening right now. Why aren’t she and I reading each other’s minds like we normally do? Why are we out of sync here? 

“Why were they trying to shoot the President?” 

She pauses for a second. “The President wasn’t their target. They were trying to get Charlie.” 

Charlie!? “Did they? Who else is hurt?” 

“Just you and the President.” she says. “Oh, Ron Butterfield got shot in the hand, but he’s okay. I think somebody in the crowd did, too. I’m not sure about that. You want me to send you somebody to tell you all the details? I don’t know everything.” 

She’s right. She probably was only told limited information, and everything else she probably overheard. I nod at her and she nods back. 

She pulls her hand away from mine, and starts running her fingers through my hair again. I think she could do this all day. If I could form a coherent thought, I’d tell her that President has apparently seen us like this. Maybe I’ll wait to see what the President has to say about that. 

“This isn’t in your job description.” I say softly. 

“Well, you’ve kept that job description to yourself. So I kind of have to fly by the seat of my pants here.” she smiles. 

“It SAYS you’re supposed to bring me coffee.” 

“Well, your job description says you’re supposed to take me to Hawaii.” She counters. 

I smile at her. Seriously, can you imagine two people working in the White House that have never seen their job descriptions? Though, we both claim to have seen each other’s. I could see her job description. It’s in her personnel file, I’m sure. But I’m sure it would be depressing. Because, like I said, this is not in there, I’m sure. 

Her hand stills in my hair and moves to my cheek. She moves forward and lightly presses her lips to mine. I can hear the heart monitor speed up. I wonder if she can, too. She pulls away just as slowly and leans her forehead against mine. I want to jump out of this bed and ask her to dance. I swear I think I could right now. 

We are so completely screwed.


	4. All the King's Men

JOSH’S POV 

I wake up again before Donna does. I like her here. It’s nice. I realize now what woke me up. Mallory just got here. How is it possible that someone can fling open a hospital door? They’ve got that stopper thing in them that makes them open and close slower. How is it that Mallory is able to practically break it off its hinges? 

Mallory really scares me sometimes. She gets worked up like this, and really, you should clear the area and form a perimeter. It’s NOT pretty. 

She dumps her bag on the chair and stops by my bed with a hand on her hip. Suddenly, she notices Donna and arches a brow at me. Yup. I’ve got some explaining to do. 

“How are you feeling?” she wisely asks first. She’ll light into me in a second about Donna. 

“I feel like shit.” I say. She nods and looks at me. 

“Anybody tell you what happened?” she asks. 

“The doctor came in this morning.” I nod. 

“And?” 

“They told me I got shot.” I say. She’s giving me something of an attitude. It’s her way. But, it’s not my FAULT I got shot. All I did was leave the Newseum. But this is also her way. If she’s a little bitchy, she won’t lose her shit. When Mallory cries, it’s really pretty frustrating to me. 

“Don’t make me smack you.” she threatens. She will, too. She’ll haul off and hit me, if I piss her off too much. She’ll get in trouble for it, but she’ll do it anyway. 

“Yes.” I sigh. And it still makes me tired. “The President came in a little while ago. He told me everything.” 

“And were you like THIS when he was here?” she gestures between me and Donna. It took longer than I thought it would. 

“Yes, I was.” 

“Josh!” How she’s able to raise her voice, but keep it at a whisper so she doesn’t wake Donna up, is a mystery to me. 

“I love her, Mal.” I say. I haven’t said it out loud yet, feels weird. 

“Did you tell her that?” she demands. 

“No.” 

“Don’t.” 

“Mal!” 

“Don’t be stupid and get yourselves fired.” she says. Ah, my opening. I’m all over it. 

“It’s so unfair. I finally find someone that makes me so incredibly happy, and I can’t be with her because of my job? Where’s the fairness in that, Mal? We’ve always been professional. We work well together. You know how horrible I am with women. Are you telling me that Donna and I are a BAD match?” 

Her stone expression falls. I got her! Success! There’s a reason I’m a good politician people! I’m not done yet though. 

“I thought you said you liked Donna.” I think I just borrowed Donna’s pout. It works on Mallory just as well as it works on me. 

“I do.” she sighs sitting on the edge of the bed. I got her! I GOT her! “She is good for you. I’ve always thought you guys were going to be good together. But my dad is going to flip out.” 

“He might not.” I say hesitantly. “He was here when I asked for her and when she first came in here. It was really kind of emotional, actually. I think he kind of gets it.” 

“Emotional? Emotional like how?” she asks. 

“Donna was crying, like, all over me. It was pretty obvious.” 

She sighs; I pout. I think I might use this pout more often. I can see why Donna’s such a fan. I wonder if it’ll work on Donna. She can be pretty impervious. I better stick to the puppy dog eyes with her. 

“Please help me, Mal.” I plead. “I don’t want to lose her.” Pleading from a hospital bed in the ICU...nice touch. 

“All right.” she sighs. “But I’m in charge. I’ll formulate a plan for my father, and you’ll follow it.” 

“We need to get CJ on board, too.” I nod. 

“Are you INSANE?” she yelps. Shit. I think I went too far. “No. We stick with my dad. If my dad is on board, everyone else will have to be, too.” I’m nodding my head vigorously, or as vigorously as I can manage. It’s making me tired....also dizzy. “We’ll have to be careful.” she continues. “One wrong move, and he’ll know we’re double teaming him.” 

“That’s when you bat your eyes and say, ‘please, daddy.’” I jump in. “He can’t ever resist that.” 

“I only use that for me.” Mallory counters. “I don’t know if I’ll pull that out for you yet. We’ll see how bad you screw up.” 

“Me screw up?” I say indignantly. “What the hell makes you think it’s going to be me that slips up?” She glares at me pointedly. Yeah, okay. It’s probably going to be me that screws up. She should just do the ‘Please daddy’ from the beginning so we get through his defenses right off the bat. 

“Donna should probably have plausible deniability.” she says. 

“Well, that’s not going to work. I want to kiss her again.” 

“AGAIN?” 

“We sort of did before.” Mallory groans in frustration and rolls her eyes. She’s thinking I’ve already screwed up. “It was innocent!” 

“You kissed your assistant on the lips, Josh. That’s not innocent.” 

“Technically, she kissed me. I’m just laying here.” I say. 

“Knock it off.” she says. Yes, ma’am. I can’t forget I need Mal’s help. “I want something in return.” Ah yes, the politician’s daughter. Why she became a teacher and not a politician, I have NO idea. 

“Within reason.” 

“No, absolutely outside of reason, if I see fit, you idiot. Do you have any idea what YOU’RE asking me to do?” Point taken. 

“What?” 

“I flipped out on Sam when his picture was taken with that call girl.” she sighs. “I screwed everything up.” 

“I swear Mal, they’re just friends.” I say. 

“Yeah, I know. But I was pissed, and insulted, and I yelled at him, and I was really mean. I need to fix it, you need to help.” 

“How?” 

“I don’t care, just fix it.” 

“Say you’re sorry.” 

“I will.” Mallory said. “But I need to get him alone to do that. I need to get him to talk to me. Josh, I was REALLY mean.” 

“What did you say?” I ask incredulously. Sam didn’t say anything about it to me. 

“Doesn’t matter. I wasn’t my sweet self.” she replies. I’m dying to know now. How do I get tangled up in all this stuff with her anyway? 

“Kay.” I say. “You help me, and I’ll help you.” 

“Good.” she nods and sits down in the visitor’s chair. “I’ll hang out until Donna wakes up. Then we’ll send her home so she can take a shower and check in with my dad at work. I imagine that’ll take her all of a half an hour.” Mallory says dryly. 

I lean my head against Donna’s and hug her to me as much as my strength will allow. I look over at Mallory and she smiles at me. 

Maybe we’re not as screwed as I originally thought.


	5. All the King's Men

DONNA’S POV 

I quietly walk into the hospital room and see that he’s asleep. He’s finally in a regular room. My tote bag is loaded down with stuff for him. I’m just getting back from my required hour out of the hospital. Really it’s just becoming what I’m calling my White House run. That first day when Mallory was here, Josh told me to pack a bag so I didn’t have to worry about leaving again. When CJ found out about that, she had a cow over it. She said he was overstepping the line, and he was also be extremely selfish. 

First of all, I have this to say. Oooohh, CJ! You have NO idea just how far we’ve overstepped that line. She’ll probably have a stroke when she finds that out. Secondly, screw you anyway, CJ! He needs me! He asked me to pack a bag because he needs me with him. He’s got to do some pretty gross stuff in this therapy and someone needs to be here to hold his hand and encourage him to keep trying and not give up because of the massive amount of pain it causes. 

Apparently, some sort of plan of attack has been formulated between Josh and Mallory against Leo. They won’t tell me what it is. That feeling of impending doom is back. I have a plan, too. Josh hates it. I won’t let him say THE words. If we don’t say THOSE words, we can park this puppy back in the garage at any time and walk this back. 

I don’t really believe it either. But it’s an out for him. He doesn’t want the out. I would have back peddled this a while ago, but he seems to really respond to his doctors and therapists when I’m around. Plus, I kissed him first. I couldn’t help it! I was just so freaking happy he was alive. Really, I just didn’t have the strength to hide it. I just didn’t. And neither did he. And we really should have. It’s too late now, there’s a plan. 

I quietly walk over to the bed and run my hands through his hair. I lean down and press my lips to his forehead. 

What the hell! 

He’s burning up! He’s really hot here. Do they know about this? I push myself away from his bed and storm out to the nurse’s station. One of them stands right up. 

“Something wrong, Ms. Moss?” Yeah, they know me by name. They should; I’m practically living in that room; that, and I’m pretty sure, though not a hundred percent, that Dr. Bartlet has had a little chat with the department heads here. I mean, it does seem a little sketchy that someone like me gets this much freedom at a hospital. 

“He’s burning up in there.” I say quickly. “I didn’t know if you knew that.” What I want to say is “When they hell was the last time you got off your asses and checked on him!” Somehow, I don’t think that would be well-received. 

One nurse, I forget her name, walks into the room, grabbing a thermometer on her way by. She walks up to him and sticks it in his ear. He doesn’t so much as twitch by that. She takes a look. “I’ll call the doctor and have him order blood work.” 

“Why don’t you just cut out the middle man and take it now?” I demand. 

“Because I’m not allowed to do that.” she replies, a little more hoity than I would like to hear. “That would be against the law.” 

“He won’t mind. He probably wrote that law.” I retort waving towards Josh. 

“It’ll only take a couple of minutes to get in touch with the doctor.” she says and walks out. 

I walk back over to him and sit down on the bed, picking up his hand and stroking his face with my other one. He likes this. Usually, when he’s asleep and I do this, he smiles in his sleep. He’s not now. Okay. This isn’t good. 

“Josh.” I call softly squeezing his hand. I see his eyes move behind his eyelids. “Josh, wake up.” Okay, now I hear him whine a bit. I move closer and start stroking his cheek. “Come on, Josh, wake up.” 

“Go ‘way.” he mumbles. I’d be insulted, but for what feels like a raging fever. 

“Wake up, Josh.” I say again. This isn’t working. He is obviously feeling pretty crappy and I’m losing it. “Josh, I’ve got work for you.” I coo in his ear. Maybe this will get his attention. Nothing. I do have stuff from Toby, too. They’ve been hounding the shit out of me. “Josh, I can’t stay long, I’ve got a date tonight.” 

His eyelids flutter open. 

Of course. 

He looks at me; he looks alarmed. “I just said that so you would open your eyes.” I say smiling slightly. He doesn’t say anything, he just keeps looking at me, and he looks miserable. “It’s all right.” I say gently stroking his face. “I got a nurse and she’s calling the doctor. You’re running a fever. How do you feel?” 

He shakes his head a few times. If I hadn’t been staring right at him, I would have missed it. My heart breaks again. He’s pretty much been breaking my heart on a regular basis for the past week or so, since the shooting happened. I lean forward and press my lips to his and he closes his eyes again. 

The nurse comes back in and I lean my forehead against his. She goes to the other side of the bed and draws blood from his hand. He looks like he’s going to throw up. You’d think he’d be used to this by now. Apparently not. 

“We’re going to take this down to the lab and have it tested now, Josh.” the nurse says. “I’ll give you something for that fever. Does it bother you?” 

“Yes.” he croaks out nearly silently. She nods and injects something into his IV. I guess it’s some form of Motrin. I think I’m going to cry. I want to hug him. I want to hug him so tight. But I can’t. If I hug him, I’ll hurt him, and that thought alone is more than I can handle now. Especially since he looks like he could really use a hug. 

“Help is on the way.” I say softly with a kiss. I won’t spend too much time right now dwelling on the fact that I can’t stop kissing him lately. I squeeze his hand and though his lips don’t move, I can see his eyes smile right before they close. I lean forward into his shoulder and start to cry. 

It isn’t fair. When is he going to get better? How much does he have to suffer? He didn’t do anything wrong! He just walked out of a fucking building! Why is it that he can’t get out of here? Why is it that he has to run a fever now? Why is it that it took a few stupid, ignorant, racist, punk kids with a chip on their shoulder setting off bullets like popping popcorn for me to finally get the guts to kiss him? What if I never had that chance? How is any of this fair? 

I got to the White House and everyone looks at me funny. I finally found out the other day from Margaret it’s because I look like a member of the un-dead. That’s why CJ is so indignant about me staying at the hospital so much. She doesn’t think it’s fair to me that it’s just me here. She thinks they should take turns so I can have a break and get some sleep. What Ms. Press Secretary doesn’t know is I get plenty of sleep, sleeping right next to Josh in his bed. I really do want to be there when she finds out. I can just picture the look on her face....Besides, in addition to that, CJ obviously doesn’t know I’m here with Leo’s blessing...for the moment. I wish I knew the details of this brilliant plan of Josh and Mallory’s. 

I feel Josh’s lips on my forehead and tip my head back to look at him. I thought he was asleep. I guess the Motrin’s kicking in and he’s feeling a little better because he dips his head and kisses me right on the lips. 

“It’s just a fever.” he says softly. 

“Fevers are signs of infection.” I counter. 

“I wish you’d stop reading about this stuff; it’s freaking you out.” He’s right; it is. I’m that old cliche right now, a little knowledge is dangerous. That’s me. Freaking out all over the place. “You’re not leaving though, right?” 

“Of course I’m not leaving.” I say, and stretch out my legs next to him. 

He leans down and kisses me again, this time, a little deeper and bringing his hand up to my face. He’s amazing. I’ll lay in this bed forever and kiss him...well, no...I’d like for him to be recovered, but you know what I mean. His lips are so soft, and his face doesn’t feel as warm as it did before. That was some powerful stuff she shot into that IV. The kiss gets a little deeper and I sigh against his lips, and he smiles. 

CJ can kiss my ass! And so can Toby, and so can Sam, and so can Leo, and so can everyone else! I’m not giving him up. 

He’s kissing me again, and if this is how he kisses when he’s in this kind of shape, I’ve got something amazing to look forward to. 

He pulls up just a bit. “I love you, Donna.” he says with a small smile, which is actually the biggest I’ve seen him smile in a week and a half. 

If he wasn’t so sick, I’d smack the shit out of him. 

“I love you, too.” I whisper back. 

I should probably smack myself while I’m at it. 

I hope his plan’s a good one because mine just got shot to hell.


	6. All the King's Men

DONNA’S POV 

Aaannnndddd we’re back in ICU. His fever’s gotten up to 105 and even whatever they’re pumping into his IV isn’t bringing it down. He’s been unconscious for hours. I think, actually, more than a day at this point. But I’m not sure. I’ve lost all concept of time. Nurses have been coming in and out and checking him. They’re afraid of seizures and shock. 

I wish they wouldn’t talk about things like this around me. All it’s doing is reminding me of how incredibly helpless I am right now. I want to protect him. I can’t protect him from this. It’s reminding me of how useless I am right now. I want to throw myself across him and shield him from everything. Shield him from more pain and illness. I want to spring him free of his place, take him home, crawl under the covers with him and kiss him better. Unfortunately kissing it, really doesn’t make it feel any better. Trust me, I’ve tried. I’ve done a lot of kissing of him. 

I’m lying here now with my chair pulled up as close to the bed as I can get it, his hand in mine, and my face lying against them. It’s a good thing I haven’t been lying in the bed with him since he came back to the ICU because suddenly I hear... 

“Donna?” 

“Leo!” I greet kind of surprised. I pop up from my spot, but I haven’t let go of Josh’s hand. Short of Leo ripping my hand out of his, I refuse to let go of him. I know Josh knows I’m here. I’m trying to give him as much of my strength as I can through our linked hands. He can take whatever he needs. But if I let go, he won’t get any. 

“Is there any change?” Leo asks pulling up another chair. 

“No.” I say softly. 

“Well, it’s not shocking that an infection set in.” he says. 

“It’s not safe either.” I counter. There’s a numbness to my voice that I recognize from the night he was shot. 

“Where’s Sarah?” Leo asks referring to Josh’s mother. 

“She’s on her way back. She was heading back up to Connecticut since he was doing better. She wanted to take care of some things and pack up some stuff, so she could stay a while when he goes home.” I explain. I think Josh’s house is going to be a little cramped. I’ll be damned if I leave his side after THIS little back step. 

I look over at Leo and the tears spring back into my eyes. I should look away and wipe them away, but I’m distraught. I drop my head back down to our hands and sob. I hope this fits into Josh and Mallory’s plan somewhere because I just don’t have the strength again to hide how I feel. 

“He’s strong, Donna.” Leo says rubbing small circles on my back. “He’s strong, and stubborn, and that’s why that bullet didn’t kill him.” 

“Yet.” I choke. 

“At all, Donna.” Leo replies. “You can’t give up hope. It’s just a bump in the road.” 

I’m shocked at his words. Oh my God! Have I given up hope? Is that what that was? How could I do that to him? I look up at Josh’s face, but keep my cheek pressed to our hands. I’m sorry, I think. I swear I didn’t mean it like that. I was just voicing my worst fear. 

“Donna, do you want me to stay with him while you --” 

“No!” I say quickly. I’ve been sitting here since...I don’t know when...forever...and I’m going to stay here until he opens his eyes. It’s what’s called devotion for crying out loud. Except I do have to pee though, so maybe I will duck in there when Leo’s getting ready to leave. 

It also occurs to me that my emphatic refusal to move is probably giving Leo the wrong idea. Josh and Mallory really should have shared that plan with me. 

When I think Leo isn’t looking, I sneak a kiss. It’s just on his hand, but I don’t want Josh to wonder where I went, and then press my face back to our hands. 

It isn’t until I wake up that I realize I accidentally fell asleep. Shit! I fell asleep when I was supposed to be watching him. Who the hell keeps a vigil at a bedside and falls asleep? What the hell is the matter with me? I feel a hand on my head, and I think it must be Leo waking me up to tell me he’s leaving. 

I raise my head and look at the darkened room. He’s not here. I turn back to Josh, and it was him. I smile. Huge. I’m grinning like a baffoon and I can feel the tears streaming down my face. He’s not smiling, but he’s awake, and that’s certainly good enough. I sit on the side of the bed and start raining kisses all over his face. His arms come up to my forearms and I think he’s trying to brace me, so I let up a bit. 

“How do you feel?” I ask softly. 

“Better.” He whispers. I can hear the strain in his voice. The doctors said that his lung has reinflated but talking still seems to be a chore for him sometimes. 

“Let me go get the nurse.” I say. I turn to get off the bed, but I feel his hand close around my arm, so I turn back. 

“Not yet.” 

“Josh...” 

“Just...I just want to look at you.” 

Huh. I wonder what this is. He looks like he hasn’t seen me in years. 

“Okay.” I nod and sit back down. I’m REALLY glad Leo’s gone. I’m not really sure how to explain away this one. 

He brings his hand up to the side of my neck, and he’s running his thumb over my cheek. I know this look. He’s studying me. He’s looking at me like he’s trying to memorize my face. He doesn’t have to do that. It’s not likely I’m going to let him out of my sight anytime soon. 

Speaking of which, this little setback has given me some time to think about putting some rules into place. I’m not sure how he’s going to handle that. I was studying up on the recovery process before this infection thing. Stressing him out could be a setback in recovery. I’m sure I could handle another setback. I’m not sure HE could handle another setback. So, I’m thinking I’m going to have to lay down some ground rules. I’ll wait until he’s feeling better though. Mostly because I haven’t finished working them out in my head. 

“Are you all right, Josh?” I ask. I’m a little concerned here. 

“You’re so beautiful.” he whispers. He pulls my face down to his and kisses me. This is some kiss, let me tell you. It probably would have gone on a while longer, but for the fact Josh has got next to no breath support at the moment. 

He pulls me down so my head is resting on his shoulder, as he continues to stroke my hair and kiss my forehead. 

“Josh, what’s going on?” I ask again. Not that I mind, but this is a LOT of appreciation here. 

“I’m just making sure you’re real is all.” he says quietly. “You can never touch a guardian angel. I just want to make sure mine’s really here and this isn’t a dream.” 

“It’s not a dream.” I smile. “Although, I wish it was, then you wouldn’t be in this hospital bed.” 

“If it was all a dream, you probably wouldn’t be in any kind of bed with me at all.” he counters. 

Well, that’s a twisted way of looking at it. He starts to shift a bit under me, so I roll onto my back to allow him to get more comfortable. Imagine my extreme surprise when he, incredibly slowly and carefully, rolls to his side and rests his head right on my sternum, wrapping his left arm around me. Very gingerly, I wrap my arms around him and gently squeeze. God I’ve wanted to hug him so badly! 

“Can I stay here?” he asks. 

“Of course.” I whisper. “As long as you’re comfortable.” 

“Oh, I’m comfortable.” he says. “And I’m really enjoying the view.” 

“Pervert.” I laugh, lightly smacking him on the head. 

“Just thinking about that makes me tired.” he yawns. 

“Good.” I say as I lightly stroke his temple. 

He drifts off to sleep, and I hold him close to me, finally feeling like I have some sort of control here; finally feeling like I’m actually doing something for him. I drift off to sleep myself, guarding him as best I can, holding him close to my heart where he belongs.


	7. All the King's Men

JOSH’S POV 

I’M FREE!! I’m free! I’m free! I’m outta there! You have NO idea how happy I am. Finally I’m home. I’m so happy! 

Of course, there’s a ridiculous hospital bed in my room, I have a whole list of exercises to do each day, food I can’t eat, and more pills to take each day than an 80 year old. But that’s not the point. The point is....I’M FREE! 

I’m free and my woman’s with me. Of course, as soon as I cross over the threshold of the hospital before, who’s there but CNN. I stopped to answer questions, too. CJ’s going to be pissed. That’s okay. I don’t care. I’m free! 

I’m currently sitting on the couch in my living room with absolutely NO idea how the hell I’m going to get out of it. I never realized how squishy it was before. Maybe I’ll just have Donna lay down with me, and we’ll just live here. 

Speaking of Donna, she moved a ton of her stuff into my home office. She’s planning on sleeping on the futon in there. I’m not really sure why she’s bothering with that. Maybe to keep up appearances? She’s spent three weeks sleeping in a hospital bed with me. I just assumed she’d stay in my room. Maybe that was a little presumptuous of me. I’m thinking not though since my mother is staying over at Jenny McGarry’s house. My mom doesn’t think she needs to stay here at night if Donna’s here. That’s right, mom. I love ya, but I don’t need you hanging around here at night. 

And while we’re on this subject, Leo’s all sorts of freaked out by my mom staying with Jenny. He’s freaked out by that, but NOT by Donna staying with me? I wonder if he actually realizes that she’s decided to move in here until I go back to work. Maybe he doesn’t. I’m a little worried about how this might affect Mallory’s plan, but Mallory assures me, it will only help. 

Mal’s plan is a little sketchy, at best. Her plan is to sit back and wait until Leo asks her about me and Donna and then lead him to the only logical conclusion that we should be allowed to be together. Is it me? Or is this an idiotic plan? She’s going to have to bust out the “Please daddy” bit. I just don’t see any other way around it. I don’t have a lot of confidence in her plan. Mainly because Leo’s got an entire country to run and an entire planet to keep his eye on. It could take him YEARS to ask about me and Donna. It’s just not the kind of stuff he cares about, even though it’s me. 

This is a dumb plan. 

I haven’t told Donna about it. Not so she would have plausible deniability like Mal says she should have, but because it’s a dumb plan and I’m embarrassed to be going along with it. 

I’ve been having weird dreams. In my dreams, I wake up and Donna’s not there, she’s not real. In my dreams, she disappears when I try to touch her. What do you think that means? Those dreams kind of freak me out. I’ve always been so used to having her around, but now, it’s been even more so. I get freaked out when she’s NOT around, which is going to be hellish in itself starting on Monday when she has to go back to work. She’s going in for eight a.m., coming here for lunch, and leaving there by five. Keeping those hours is probably going to give her a rash. I mean, that’s unheard of in our universe. My mom will be with me for the first couple of weeks during the day. She’ll take me to physical therapy and hang out with me during the day, so I won’t be alone. But...well...she’s my mom and all, and I love her, but she’s not Donna. I really want Donna. 

Speak of the Devil, or I should say my angel, because I meant what I said, she’s my guardian angel, she’s doing a pretty good job, too. Wait a minute. Where was I? Oh yeah, speaking of Donna, my thoughts have conjured the woman and she comes to sit next to me on the couch. 

“Glad to be home?” she asks. Instead of giving her a resounding “Hell, yeah!” I kiss her instead. I love how she responds to me, too. She’s eased one leg behind my back, the other one across my lap and linked her arms around my neck. “Is that a yes then?” she asks breathlessly against my lips. 

“Yes.” I say just as breathlessly, before leaning back in to kiss her some more. She pulls her lips away from mine and my lips are in mourning, but my neck’s come alive because she’s kissing and nipping at that. 

Good Lord, I’m glad to be out of that hospital. Maybe the reason why I want Donna around so bad is because she makes me feel so alive. My heart is pounding in my chest and it’s a good feeling. I haven’t been cleared for sex. And I really hate that right now. I’m telling you, things are in working order, but I’m apparently supposed to wait a few more weeks. 

Weeks! 

And I didn’t actually ask my doctor that, they told me that all on their own. I guess seeing Donna camped out there, they just assumed it would information I’d want. They were right. 

So, I’m not cleared for sex, but SHE is fair game! She pulls us gently back on the couch and without breaking contact with my lips, helps me settle in next to her. How does she do that? How is it that she can be completely preoccupied, yet totally in tune to everything else I need at the same time? This woman is an enigma to me. 

She shifts to give me more room. My hand is on the hem of her tank top and I pause. I break our current kiss and look down into her endless blue eyes. They’re midnight blue right now. They’re gorgeous. I could go stargazing in them right now. 

“Donna?” I ask hesitantly. I mean, stolen kisses in the hospital are one thing. THIS is it. Well, it’s not IT-it, but it’s it. It’s big for us. Clothes are going to be shed here. 

“I love you, Josh.” she whispers. 

Yup! There goes that tank top. 

And wouldn’t you know? No bra. She’s killing me over here. She was just going to bounce around my apartment like this? 

She’s also flawless. 

I’m running my hand up her bare skin, taking her beauty in with my eyes, and she’s turning red. She’s blushing. She’s blushing! I love it! She’s gorgeous. And she’s mine. 

I lean down slowly and kiss along her collarbone, as my hand acquaints itself with one of her beautiful breasts, running my thumb back and forth across her perfect nipple. I think that was me moaning, I’m not quite sure. She’s running her fingers up and down my back, and her hands have slipped underneath my shirt. Yup, it was me moaning. She doesn’t try to take my shirt off. There’s still dressings over the bullet wound and surgical incision, so there’s not much she can do at the moment. But someday soon that day will come and I know with her, I have nothing to be ashamed of. I don’t need to hide from her. 

I replace my hand with my lips. She runs her hands through my hair as I take her breast into my mouth. I gotta tell you. This is not a bad way to spend an evening. 

Except, there’s a pounding on my door. 

What the fuck? 

Who do I have to kill? Who dares disturb this amazing moment in my life. Donna helps me back up into a sitting position. She throws her tank top back on, disappears into the spare room, and comes running out wearing a zip up gray sweatshirt. Like anybody’s going to believe she was sitting here wearing that in the middle of August. 

She looks through the peep hole, then back at me. 

“Who the hell is it?” I demand. I MIGHT forgive my mother for the intrusion, but anyone else on the other side of that door must be terminated. 

“CJ, Sam, and Toby.” she says. 

Crap. That’s a lot of people for me to kill when I’m in this kind of shape. I gesture in defeat for her to open the door. She opens it wide open and the three of them step in. They look over at me, and then take in Donna’s appearance. It should be noted, that it makes sense that I’m sitting here in pajama pants and a t-shirt. I’m not supposed to be going anywhere for like another eight weeks. It’s tougher to explain why Donna is also wearing pajama pants. We both look like we’re going to be going to bed. And it was going to be together, until these three yutzes showed up. 

“Are you all right, Donna?” CJ asks. “You look a little flushed.” 

Donna looks over to me, and I shrug. She looks back to CJ and shrugs. It’s all I can do not to burst out laughing. My shrug meant tell her whatever she wanted, it wasn’t the answer! She’s adorable. I wish they would go away so I could go back to what I was doing to her adorable breasts. Doesn’t look like it’s going to happen because Donna lets them in and drops down next to me on the couch. 

“We came to see how you were doing.” Sam says needlessly. 

Doing? I was doing just great! I was getting it on with my assistant on the couch, not feeling the slightest bit guilty about that, until you three showed up and ruined it! 

“Fine.” I say instead. 

“You’re feeling better?” CJ asks. 

“Yup.” I say. I was feeling really good a couple of minutes ago. 

“He’s really tired though.” Donna pipes in. What? She’s making me sound like a three year old. I can answer for myself. 

“We won’t stay long then.” Toby says. 

Oh my God, she’s brilliant. 

“We just thought we’d stop by and see how you were adjusting.” CJ says. 

Yeah, and see what you can find out about Donna, no doubt. 

“I’m doing great.” I nod. “Took me 45 minutes to get up the flight of stairs in the hall, but I’m doing outstanding. It’s probably why I’m so tired.” 

“That’ll probably do it.” Sam nods. 

“Well, that’s all we wanted.” Toby announces with a quick glance in Donna’s direction. “We’ll come by later in the week when you can visit longer, Josh. We don’t want to wear you out.” 

Yeah, Toby knows. Nothing gets past that guy. 

CJ looks suspicious; Sam, I think, is totally in the dark. 

Toby ushers them to the door, then turns around. “We’ll see you Monday, Donna.” he says. 

“Bye.” Donna smiles. She’s so pretty. 

They disappear through the door, and Donna bolts off the couch to lock it. She turns around, yanks the sweatshirt over her head, marches back over and straddles me. I pull the tank top back over her head. I’m just about to get back to where I was, when I glance at her face, and I’m momentarily stunned. 

She looks really young. She pulled her hair up, I guess when she grabbed the sweatshirt before. She looks every bit her 26 years. She’s 26; I’m 38. She’s got so much to do, why does she want to waste her time on a guy my age? I mean, I’m not ancient, but I’m significantly older. I’ve never really thought of that before with her. 

She brings us back down to the position we were in before. I really can’t stay up that way with her too long. She takes my face in her hands and looks at me. 

“Do you love me, Josh?” 

“I always have.” I say softly. I’m momentarily stunned again. This is happening to me a lot. I have always loved her. I didn’t know it until I was laying on the payment dying, but I have. Maybe she is young, but she certainly doesn’t seem to care. I can see my future in those beautiful eyes. We’re there together. I have visions of our home, and our children, and I can’t wait to meet them. I have to say, there seems to be quite a few. 

I lean down and kiss her. She’s so beautiful, it has seriously brought a tear to my eye. I wrap my arms around her, and pull her tightly to me. She’s my guardian angel. When you’re able to touch you’re guardian angel, you’re witnessing a miracle. You should hold on to them and not let go.


	8. All the King's Men

JOSH’S POV 

Donna answers the door and it’s CJ standing there. Donna looks annoyed. CJ’s breaking rule number one, no unapproved guests. Not that CJ’s not on the approved guest list, but they have to clear it through her first. This has multiple reasons. One, our fun time doesn’t get interrupted, this I’m on board for; two, Toby doesn’t drop by unexpectedly and get my blood pressure up, this I’m just bored with. I’m bored here! She brings me work. But one day, Toby came by and got me all riled up on something, and my blood pressure went up and Donna had a fit. So now, they can only come when she’s here. That way she can intervene. 

Bored, I tell you...Bored! 

Donna arches a brow at CJ. 

“It’s important.” CJ nods quickly to her. Damn, what did Donna say to her that these guys are cowering at her feet? Donna opens the door all the way and lets CJ in. The three of us stand in my living room looking expectantly at each other. 

“What’s going on?” I ask. 

“Um...Donna...” CJ starts. 

“I’ll just come back in a bit.” Donna pipes up. “I’ll swing by the White House and see if there’s anything for you.” She takes a step towards me and stops herself. This is what sucks about Mallory’s plans. Donna kisses me when she leaves, and it usually gets pretty involved. She can’t do that now because CJ is here. 

I hate this. 

“All right.” I say to her. 

“Call me if you need me to pick you up anything while I’m out.” she smiles and disappears out the door, and I turn back to CJ. 

“About Donna...” CJ says. 

“It’s okay.” I nod. “She understands clearance stuff. She’s not offended.” 

“No. This is actually about Donna.” CJ continues. What the hell? 

“Okay.” 

CJ takes a deep breath before she starts. Well, that’s not a good sign. 

“While you were in the hospital, especially in the few days directly following the shooting, you owned the news cycle. Once everyone knew the President was going to be fine, it became all about you.” she says. This is not news to me. Donna and Leo both told me I was all over the news. “Since you’re not back at work now, there’s still some interest in you and how you’re doing. Two reporters in my press room have that Donna’s, like, living here.” 

“Donna stays here at night.” I say. 

“She does?” CJ’s all wide eyed, and I nod. 

“My mom’s here during the day, and Donna sleeps on the futon in the den at night.” Lie. But I don’t feel bad about it. 

“Well, people are drawing their own conclusions.” CJ hedged. “There’s some not nice things being said.” 

“We’re not sleeping together.” I say. What? We’re not in the sense she’s asking. I told you...weeks! She’s not asking about kissing or anything else, which, apparently, I’m quite good at...oh wait, CJ’s still talking. 

“Well, I just want you to know so you’re not broadsided by it. She was out of work for two weeks...” 

“She was out of the White House for two weeks, CJ.” Josh countered. “Leo had her by my side. She brought me stuff in the hospital. You knew that.” 

“I know.” she nods quickly. “I’m just saying what it looks like.” 

“I know what it looks like.” I reply softly. Something in the tone of my voice catches CJ’s attention. 

“You’re my friends.” CJ says. “I am the face of this administration. I can protect you guys.” 

“Protect us from what? Rumors?” I ask. “Are there hidden cameras in here?” Wait. Are there? Cuz, I’d definitely be busted then. 

“Everything about you has been aired on CNN, Josh. She’s been seen coming and going from here.” 

“She’s my assistant.” I reply. “I’m the Deputy Chief of Staff to the President of the United States. I work on my sick leave.” 

“That’s what you want me to say?” 

“Yes.” 

“She’s got all these rules in place.” 

“Has it escaped you guys that she’s also my friend?” I’m getting punchy. I can’t help it. I’m on the phone next with Mallory to tell her to get her ass to her father and put her stupid little plan into action. I’m tired of this crap. 

“No!” CJ says quickly. “But we’re your friends, too, BOTH of your friends, and we’re just doing our jobs, Josh. We’re doing what it takes to protect you.” 

“Okay.” I shrug. 

“Okay? That’s it?” 

“Okay.” I say again. What? Like I’m going to spill my guts to CJ? I don’t care what she says, CJ is not ALWAYS my first call. My concern here isn’t how me and Donna will play out in the media, it’s how we’ll play out in the White House, which means I go to Leo first. Republicans and conservatives are going to say what they want anyway. They’ve attacked my Judaism, they’ll attack Donna, and they’ll attack me for Donna. But I don’t particularly care. Do I want to hear them say horrible stuff about Donna? Absolutely not. But I’ve got a big mouth. I’ve got no qualms about defending her to anyone I need to. Maybe I can’t go on t.v. and do it, but I can certainly pick up a phone and give a Senator or a Congressman a private smack down. But tell CJ? No. CJ’s on her own side, not always mine. I love her and all, but sometimes I’m not sure when that press secretary isn’t turned off. 

“Okay, then.” she says nodding. 

“You want to hang out until Donna gets back?” I ask. “You can tell me all the stuff she says you’re not allowed to.” 

*************************** 

MALLORY’S POV 

For crying out loud, he’s a pain in my ass. This is what I get for being nice to him. I’m walking through the corridors of the White House towards my father’s office. I just got a ranting phone call from Josh about how I needed to get my ass over here and talk to my dad. It should be noted, that I just saw Sam turn a corner and turn around. I swear he saw me before he took off. Do I look bitchy? I only want to apologize to him. 

“Hi, Daddy!” I greet in my best sweet voice. 

“Hey, baby.” he says looking up from his desk and taking off his glasses. “This is a surprise.” 

“Well, I had some time, I thought I’d swing by and see you.” I’ll bat my eyes, but I won’t give him a ‘Please daddy.’ 

“What’d you do?” he asks instantly suspiciously. Hey! I’m the good one! I became a teacher. There’s no disappointment here! 

“Nothing.” 

“Get another parking ticket?” Okay. Well, there are those. I tend to get parking tickets...oh, and sometimes speeding tickets. I can’t help it that I’m usually late. It’s usually not my fault. Seriously, it’s not. It takes a lot of time to look this cute. 

Anyway. 

“No, daddy. I haven’t gotten any tickets.” I say in my best flabbergasted voice. 

“You hate coming here.” he points out. 

“I...” Well, shit. He’s got me there. I hate coming here. There’s just TOO many people, and they’re all running around. I’m a teacher! You’re not allowed to run in the halls! “Well, I don’t get to see you often and I just thought...” 

“What’d Josh do?” he cuts me off. What, what, what? 

“Josh?” My voice is getting a little bit sweeter and my eyes get innocently wide. He stops and looks at me. It’s his, do-I-look-stupid-to-you-face? 

“Is this about Josh and Donna?” he continues. 

“Josh and Donna?” Damn! The last time I used this voice, Josh and I were 15 and we got busted sneaking back into the house. It didn’t help us though because Josh fell through my bedroom window drunk climbing back in. The things I do for that guy, I’m telling you...worst tolerance of anybody I’ve ever met... 

“Yeah, Josh and Donna.” 

“What do you mean by Josh and Donna?” I’m a dead woman. This isn’t the way this was supposed to go. He’s using that face again. 

“Listen, I try not to pay attention to this stuff. I mean, I’ve got life and death issues around the world to deal with, not to mention I have to drag people in this building kicking and screaming out from behind the bushes and back out to do their jobs. The republicans are up my ass on a daily basis, and now we’re gearing up for a new crime bill. I don’t have time to be dealing with Josh and Donna’s love life.” he says. And I’m cringing because this doesn’t look good. And if I don’t fight harder for Josh’s right to have sex with Donna, he’s going to bail on me in my crusade to have sex with Sam. “If Josh can handle the heat he’s going to get for it, fine. But Donna’s a nice girl, I don’t want to see her hurt. If they want to date, then fine. When Josh gets back from leave, I’ll transfer Donna to any department they want her to go to.” He puts his glasses on and looks back down at something on his desk. 

Whoa! I’m pretty sure THAT’S not going to fly. 

“Transfer her?” I reply. “Daddy, why on Earth would you transfer her?” 

“Because it’ll send out the wrong message.” he says. “I don’t want supervisors in this building running amuck thinking it’s okay that they date their subordinates.” 

“Oh please, Daddy.” I scoff. “When has Donna ever been Josh’s subordinate?” He looks up at me with that face again. Oops! 

“You know what I mean.” I continue. “He’ll be lost if you transfer her.” 

“Then he can keep her and not date her.” 

“Daddy!” I groan. “You won’t even give them a chance? What if they can prove that they can work together? I don’t think there will be an epidemic of supervisors in this building chasing their assistants around their desks.” 

He looks up at me incredulously. 

Shit. 

Oh, all right! Fine! I drop my hand from my hip to my side, stick my bottom lip out, bat my eyes, muster up a tear, and say, “Please, Daddy?”


	9. All the King's Men

DONNA’S POV 

Leo looks astonished. Just astonished. Mallory and Josh’s plan was stupid. I can’t believe they ever thought that would work. And Josh called MY plan dumb? So, of course, I’m in here trying to fix it. I’ve turned on the tears. 

“...I’m just really worried about him, Leo.” I say through my tears. It should be noted I am NOT lying here. “You know how I’m tuned to him. What if a new assistant doesn’t catch the subtle signs that something’s wrong? And you know how Josh is, Josh will just work until he’s dead. God forbid he take a day off. If I’m not there to take care of him, he’ll never do it himself. A new assistant will be scared of him, and she’ll cancel his cardiology appointments when he tells her to, she won’t stand up to him. And he eats like crap, Leo. You’ve seen how he likes his burgers. He tries to eat like that at home, too. He’ll never make it to the end of this term, much less a second one at this rate.” 

I should note that these are all valid concerns of mine that I’m shamelessly laying at Leo’s feet. 

“And we’re different than other people in this building. You know we’re not interested in some tawdry affair. You saw me at the hospital. I was a mess! I love him so much, and he loves me, too. You’ve known him the longest, can’t you tell?” 

“I can.” he nods. 

“So, that’s my argument.” I give him a large sigh here and take the moment to wipe away my tears. I’ve been in here for 15 minutes now. I can’t BELIEVE no one has interrupted us. Margaret must be listening at the door and keeping everyone at bay. We assistants stick together. 

He looks at me a long moment. 

I think I’m fired. 

“All right, Donna.” he says. “We’ll give it a try. You’re right. No one knows him like you, and you’re the only one he listens to when it comes to his own well-being.” It’s all I can do not to propel myself out of this chair and into the arms of the Chief of Staff of the United States. “But you should talk to CJ. I want you to be prepared for the press. They’re going to say awful things about you, maybe not our guys, but conservatives are going to have something to say about it. When I say awful things, Donna, if the worst thing they call you is unprofessional, it’ll be a good day.” 

I nod. I’ve thought about this. I really have. Josh is worth it. It won’t last forever and nobody would remember my name in a few years anyway. Leo said yes. I’ve got the support of the White House, and that means the support of the President of the United States. Screw `em. 

I rise out of my chair and smile down at him. “I won’t disappoint you, Leo.” 

“You never have before, kiddo.” he smiles back. Oh, well, that’s nice of him to say. 

I open the door leading out to Margaret’s office, and of course, she’s right there. Wide-eyed and smiling. 

“THAT was impressive.” she says, as I smile and walk by. 

I’m practically floating down the hall on the way back to the bullpen. I can’t wait to tell Josh! 

“Hey, Josh!” 

He’ll be amazed. I’ve pulled off the impossible. 

“Josh! You look great! Good to have you back.” 

Of course, he’ll try and take credit somehow. 

“Josh! How are you feeling?” 

Wait a minute....they’re saying Josh? I turn around just in time to see Himself duck behind a pillar. 

“Joshua Lyman.” I say in a deadly voice that draws him right out. It’s my don’t-pull-your-crap-on-ME-voice. He’s got one, too. He hardly ever uses it. I have to use mine all the time. 

He’s busted and he knows it. He walks towards me. He’s wearing jeans and a Yale t-shirt, his hands are in his pockets, and his White House ID is hanging around his neck. He looks like he’s getting called to the principals’s office. He is. He broke rule number three. 

1\. No unapproved guests.   
2\. No caffeine. (The criminal probably broke that one today, too)   
3\. NO leaving the house unescorted. 

“I HAD to come.” he says earnestly. 

“Are you going to walk with me nicely or do I have to drag you down the hall by your ear?” I will, too. He knows it. I’ve done it before. 

“Donna,” he says quickly as I turn to go back to his office. Obviously, I’m going to have to go get my stuff and leave early to take him home. “Mallory screwed up. Her plan backfired.” 

“Oh, so it’s HER plan now?” 

“She went to see Leo and he said he was going to transfer you.” He says quickly. He sounds almost desperate. “I had to come down here and talk him out of it.” 

We’ve arrived at his office and we’re standing in front of it. 

“Josh!” Sam calls. He’s moving quickly through the bullpen. He looks very excited to see him, too. Sorry, Sam. 

I turn to Sam approaching, purse my lips, squint my eyes a bit, and point in the direction of the Communications bullpen. “He’s not staying.” I say evenly. 

Sam looks like I just threw his ice cream in the sand. 

So does Josh. 

Sam turns quickly and beats feet out of the bullpen. I push Josh into his office and close the door. Now, Josh looks scared. 

“How did you get here?” I ask. 

He mumbles something I can’t quite hear. I know it wasn’t his car because I took that today. 

“Did you just say the Metro?” I ask eyeing him. She nods his head, but won’t meet my eyes. “These rules are in place for YOUR health, Joshua. If you want to come back here at ALL, you need to take care of yourself. Since you refuse, that’s left up to me.” 

“I told you! I was just coming to talk to Leo.” he says. “I never should have let Mallory handle it. It was folly.” 

“I’ve taken care of it.” I assure. 

“You have?” he looks confused. 

“Yes.” I nod. “I’m not going to be transferred, and we can have as much sex, outside of the White House, as we want.” 

“Really?” 

I nod. 

“What did you say?” 

“Apparently, I put on a better argument than Mallory did.” I retort. I’m not going to tell him. He might not be happy about my methods. 

“We can really still work together?” 

“As long as you can be professional.” 

“ME?” 

“You’re the one with the problem of keeping his hands to himself.” 

“First of all, it’s NOT just me.” he replies. He’s right, it’s not. “Secondly, you have a rockin’ ass, how am I not supposed to want to touch that all the time?” 

“Not helping your argument there, Josh.” I say. “Now, I’m going to go get my bag. We’re leaving.” 

“Can I just sit at my...” 

“NO!” 

“...desk?” he squeaks. 

“No. In four weeks, you can.” I say. He looks so sad. He drops his chin to his chest and sighs. He can really bring the pathetic face, let me tell you. 

I sigh. I walk over to him, pick his face up in his hands, and plant one on him. His arms come immediately around me. He’s so easily distracted. Not that I’m not thoroughly enjoying myself here. This is fantasy fulfillment here on both our parts. 

I pull away and he’s smiling. He’s just so damn adorable. 

“Does this mean I can sit at my desk?” 

And the adorableness gets ruined by the mouth. 

I open the door, grab him by the ear, and yank him out into the bullpen.


	10. All the King's Men

DONNA’S POV 

I’m awakened by Josh’s body jerking violently next to me before I hear him scream. 

What the hell? 

I switch on the bedside lamp and turn to him. He’s holding his hand right over the bullet wound and screaming. 

“Josh!” I call out, but get no response. “Josh!” I shake him as hard as I can. “Josh, open your eyes.” He’s grabbed a hold of my forearm, and...wow, it really hurts. I’m sure it’ll bruise, sensitive alabaster skin and all that. “Josh!” I wonder what’ll happen if I actually try to pry his eyes open. That’s probably a bad idea. 

He’s wrapped his arms around me now and buried his head in my chest, sobbing. Now, I just don’t know WHAT to do. I wrap myself around him as tight as I can and begin to rock. 

“It’s all right, Josh. You’re all right.” I say softly to his ear, and press a kiss to his temple. “I’m here.” 

This happened once before that I know of. It happened one afternoon while his mother was here, but this is the first time I’ve witnessed it. God, I hope they don’t continue. I feel so helpless. How can I fight what’s in his head? I start stroking his hair, as he calms down. 

“I’m sorry.” he says softly against my chest. 

I try to bring his face up to mine, but he resists. He obviously does not want me to see his pain, confusion, embarrassment and any other emotion that might be crossing through his mind. 

“There’s nothing to be sorry for.” I say softly. “I love you, and I’m here, and I’ll do whatever I can to help you.” 

“This is a nice start.” he says holding me tighter. 

I kiss him on top of the head and he finally looks up at me. The pain reflecting back at me in his eyes simply breaks my heart. My Joshua is suffering. This man in my arms has always been larger than life to me, and he is so very vulnerable right now. I cannot possibly comprehend the level of pain he’s in right now. 

“Does anything hurt?” I ask softly. I mean, at least if something hurts, I can give him a painkiller and it’ll knock him out. He shakes his head slowly. Dammit. I know, I know, I shouldn’t ask for the man I love to be in physical pain, but if I could drug him, it’ll make the emotional pain go away. If you could see the look in his eyes right now, you’d agree with me. 

I roll to my back and take him with me, glad to be rid of that hospital bed. It was fun to adjust the head and legs of it, but well, that’s about as good as that thing got. There’s more room in this bed, and he usually sleeps much more comfortably. 

“I thought you were going to go home tonight.” he says softly. He goes back to work tomorrow. I wonder if that’s what brought this on? Anyway, tomorrow’s his first day back at work and I told him I was going to start staying at my place again, too. I mean, I am paying rent there. I also originally thought that some time alone and the opportunity to stand back on his own two feet might help him out. But if THIS is what’s going to happen when I do, I think I’ll be reconsidering my good intentions there. 

“I changed my mind.” I confessed. “Are you mad?” 

“Are you kidding me?” He countered. I chuckle and start rubbing his bare back. Even scarred, this man has a beautiful body. It’s funny, I don’t even notice the scars when he has his shirt off, and they’re actually pretty prevalent. On some level, I’m certainly cognizant of them so I don’t hurt him at all, but I’ve always been attracted to his soul, and when I look at him, I see that. “Am I losing my mind?” He asks quietly. 

“No.” I say. “I’m sure the others have had nightmares about that night, too.” I know I have, and I wasn’t even there. But I won’t tell him that. He needs my strength right now, shining a light on a weakness of mine right now won’t do him any good. “You want to talk about it?” I ask hesitantly. 

“I don’t remember it.” he says. I think he’s lying, but that’s fine. I’m assuming it was pretty emotional. If he doesn’t want to talk about it, I probably don’t blame him. But that just seemed a little more than a nightmare. That seemed like he was actually feeling it. 

“You want a sleeping pill?” I ask. 

“No.” he laughs. “I’m going back to work in a few hours. Do you really think I ought to be doing it in a haze?” 

“It’s going to be a light week.” I remind him. “I’ve kept your week light and your appointments to a minimum to give you time to catch up. There’s not much going on tomorrow. Trust me. It’s okay for you to be a little slow on the uptake. I’ll hide you.” 

“Well, I’ve never asked you to hide me before, so I don’t imagine I’m going to now.” He says smiling. He hasn’t. As much as there are things he doesn’t want to deal with, he’s never asked me to hide him from anyone. I mean, I’ve done it all on my own in some cases, but he’s never asked him me do it. It’s actually one of the things I’ve always admired about him. CJ makes Carol do it all the time; Leo’s made Margaret do it. Toby lives for a fight, so I don’t think he’s ever asked for Ginger to hide him. Sam...well, he’s currently got Kathy hiding him from Mallory, and a few other people recently, and it’s possible that he’s actually hiding from Kathy, too. 

“Kay.” I smile. I’m totally going to do it anyway, I’m sure. He may be technically the boss, but I control, you know, everything. 

“You did a good job, Donna.” he smiles softly. “But it’s time for me to go back out into the world now.” 

But I don’t want him to. I want to keep him in this apartment where no one else can hurt him. Yes, the entire situation was a fluke. Well, the him getting shot part, that was just bad aim. But they were white supremacists and they’re not broken up that they got him. The two that shot the guns are dead, but there are thousands more where they came from. But it’s not just this. He could walk in the middle of a deli getting robbed, or get hit by a car crossing the street, or lightning can strike him. Air Force One could be hijacked. I saw that movie. You never really know what can happen out there in the world. 

Of course, this is my own neurosis working overtime. I know the likelihood of any of these things happening is actually pretty slim. I KNOW that. But having almost lost him made me see how unthinkable living without him really is. 

He’s my future. He may not know that yet, but I do. This is the father of my children, I want to keep him around a while. 

In the beginning, I was trying to keep our relationship on a slow road. I didn’t want to burden him with a lot of emotional stuff on top of the physical stuff he was dealing with. But he seems to have found something of an anchor in me. His mother would say that he was often fidgety and easily agitated during the day when she stayed with him. I never found that to be the case at night. But maybe I’ve been more cognizant of not wanting to get him too stressed. For three years, I’ve been the one that’s around him the most. I can smell a mood change in him like...well, let’s just saying like something unpleasant in a car. My point here is that I read him very well. 

“Donna?” 

“Yeah?” 

“Thank you.” 

I look away from the empty room and back down at him. “For what?” 

“For picking my office three years ago.” 

“Well, thank you, Joshua, for being an unorganized, dysfunctional mess.” I reply. This earns me a smile. I reach over and turn the lamp back off. When I settle back down, he moves up and kisses me. This is a kiss of promises. And I don’t mean of promises of things to come in the future, but of promises right now. 

I realize that I’m significantly younger than he is, but he’s not the first guy I’ve ever slept with. He is, however, by far, the most passionate lover I’ve ever had. I don’t know why I’m surprised, because he is also the most passionate person I’ve ever met. How he dumps a hundred percent of his energy into absolutely everything that he does, simply amazes me. 

He simply amazes me.


	11. All the King's Men

CJ’S POV 

I see Josh and Donna enter the bullpen from my office. Senior staff is in, like, three minutes. I can’t believe they cut it so close. Then again, it is Josh’s first day back, and if I’m told correctly, his work hours a limited for a couple of weeks while he catches up. I’m not a hundred percent sure who did that. I have a feeling it was a combination of Donna and Abbey tag-teaming Leo. 

He looks pretty good. I’ve seen him over the course of the last few months. He had lost a lot of weight in the beginning, but now he seems to have filled back out. Actually, you know, eating healthy food regularly will do that, I suppose. 

I watch them walk through the bullpen toward his office at a much slower pace than they normally do. I think Donna’s intentionally slowing them down because Josh looks like he’s going to jump out of his skin soon. It’s hard for me to take my eyes off him when I see him. For the moment, when I look at him, I keep thinking of how close I actually came to never seeing him again...or how close he came, that is. 

They stop in the corridor between his office and Donna’s cubicle and he leans in and says something to her, then they turn in opposite directions. As they take a step towards their respective work spaces, I see that they’re hands are linked together until the last possible moment. 

Wait a second. 

Stop the presses. 

They were holding hands?!?! 

Oookkkaaayyyy. What the hell is this? Yeah. I stood in Josh’s living room a couple of months ago and discussed this very issue, but HE told me they weren’t sleeping together. 

Okay. Hold on, Claudia Jean. Take a deep breath. Just because they were holding hands, doesn’t necessarily mean anything’s going on. They’ve always been close; they’ve always been tactile people; they’ve held hands before. That was probably just a supportive gesture on Donna’s part as his friend. 

Right? 

Screw it. I’m going over there. I have to leave for staff anyway. I grab what I need for the meeting and head over to him. Just as I walk into his office, Donna breezes in with a couple of files. 

“Am I expected to actually know anything in here?” he asks her not looking up from his desk. He seems fascinated with it. Probably because it’s clean. 

“No.” Donna said. 

“Kay.” 

“Welcome back, mi amore.” I greet. He looks up and smiles. I’ve missed seeing his smile around here. 

“Claudia Jean!” He greets taking the files Donna handed him and walking around his desk. 

“I’ll walk with you to staff.” I say. 

“Okay.” he smiles. We walk out of his office and he stops by Donna’s cubicle. He leans down to where she’s sitting at her desk, she says something to him softly. When he straightens back up, he squeezes her shoulder and walks away. 

“What’s going on?” I ask when he joins me. 

“What do you mean?” he replies. As soon as we’re out of the bullpen, he looks back over his shoulder. 

“I don’t know.” I shrug. “You and Donna seem closer.” 

“We are closer.” he says, looking back over his shoulder again. 

“Did you forget something?” I ask. He looks a little freaked out. 

“What?” he asks quickly looking back at me. “No.” 

We get to Margaret’s office and wait to be waved in. Sam and Toby are already there, and both take turns welcoming Josh back. He’s tapping his thumb against the file he’s holding. He’s also shaking his leg, and he throws another glance over his shoulder. Did he always have this much nervous energy? I mean, he’s always in motion, but I don’t remember him being...fidgety. 

Margaret waves us in, but not before giving Josh a big hug hello. Well, that was just...weird actually. Josh looks like he thinks so too. We move into Leo’s office and Josh sits in his regular spot on the end of the couch, and I sit in my regular chair caddy-cornered to him. Seeing him there, in his regular spot in senior staff for the first time in three months has finally made me feel like things could be normal again; like everything’s going to be all right. 

Leo’s been talking and I think I’m just as lost now as Josh is because I haven’t been paying attention to a word he’s been saying. Usually...well, usually as in before the shooting, Josh had a comment for everything. He hasn’t said a single word since we’ve been in here. Maybe it’s just being back around this many people that has him thrown off a bit. But, he came here a couple of weeks ago for something. He didn’t seem wigged out then. 

He suddenly goes still and looks up at Leo. Damn if he doesn’t look completely focused now. Leo’s looking around on his desk for something. “I bet Margaret has it.” he mumbles and walks to the open doorway. “Margaret, do you have the file on 454? Ah, yes. Thanks. Hi ya, Donna.” 

“Hey, Leo.” I can hear Donna say from somewhere outside. I look over at Josh and he still looks like he’s completely focused on the discussion at hand. I think back to his office a little earlier when he seemed totally at ease. He seemed fine. Right up until we left the bullpen. 

Correction: Right up until we left Donna. 

Once we were away from her, he got all nervous and freaked out. He’s been like that ever since. But now she’s outside and he’s the old Josh. 

Well, would you look at that. 

They really HAVE gotten closer. I should get funding for this little study of mine. I hear Donna say goodbye to Margaret and I bolt out of my seat towards the door. Everyone’s looking at me. 

“I’ll just be...I got...I’ll be right back in.” Yup, that’s me. I’m the one they pay to be able to actually, you know, speak. 

I launch through the door and spook Margaret. That was strange. Margaret usually spooks me. Donna is just disappearing around the corner. “Donna!” I hiss after her. She pokes her head back around. 

“Do you need something, CJ?” she asks. How do I explain this to her without actually making her freak out about Josh. 

“Yeah. I know this sounds weird. But could you just stand out here and talk to Margaret while our meeting is going on?” 

“About what?” she asks cocking her head to the side the way she does when she’s unsure about something. 

“Anything.” I say. “The latest gossip, whatever you want. Just stand out here and talk to Margaret and, you know, don’t be really loud, but don’t whisper either. Just like you were just before.” 

Both Margaret and Donna are looking at me like I’ve lost it. I can’t say I blame them. 

“CJ,” Margaret says. “Leo doesn’t like when people are loud out here during staff, and he doesn’t like it when you guys pop out and pop back in in the middle of it.” She’s giving me her, get-your-ass-back-inside-before-you-get-us-all-in-trouble-face. 

“Just do it.” I say quickly. “I’ll explain later.” 

I move back inside and everyone’s looking at me still. I don’t think they heard what I said, but clearly they’re all wondering if I’ve gone round the bend. 

It’s possible. 

The meeting continues on for another 25 minutes or so. Josh is engaging in the discussion. It’s really good to have him back. I can still hear Donna’s idle chit chat with Margaret outside. Finally, she pokes her head in. 

“Something we can do for you, Donna?” Leo asks. Josh’s gaze snaps to the door. 

“I just...” she starts. She looks pleadingly between me and Leo. She doesn’t know what she’s doing out there. “Is it all right if I go back to my desk now? Josh has the Secretary of Agriculture coming in half and hour, and I’ve got prep work to do.” 

“Yeah.” I nod with a sigh. 

“Do you want me to send Ginger or Bonnie over to talk to Margaret?” she asks. Everyone is looking at me wondering what the hell is going on. 

“No, it’s all right, Donna. Thanks.” I say quietly. 

She disappears out the door. Josh watches her go, and watches her walk by the second door leading out into the corridor. He stares at the empty door for a few moments before looking back down at the notepad in his lap. 

Leo ends the meeting a couple of minutes later and Josh bolts out the door. Everyone watches his hasty exit then looks around the room. 

“It was a good idea, CJ.” Leo says. “But we can’t have Donna stand outside every time Josh has to take a meeting somewhere.” 

“I know.” I nod a little dejectedly. Leo walks over and closes the door with the three of us still in here. “Listen,” he begins. “Josh will bounce back. He always does. But if we start treating him like china, he’s going to start to notice, and he’s going to get pissed off about it. I want to make things easier on him, too. But for things to get back to normal for him, you’ve got to give him space to adjust. Don’t coddle him.” 

“I’m still not following.” Sam said. “What’s going on?” 

“Josh was nervous and distracted when we got here.” Toby says. “When Donna was outside he was focused and calm.” 

Man, you cannot get anything past that man. Does he notice EVERYTHING?? 

“And it’s not surprising. Donna has spent every minute of free time with him, taking care of him. He’s gotten attached to her. Leo’s right. He’ll bounce back.” Toby says. 

We leave Leo’s office and I walk back to mine. Josh’s door is closed and Donna’s not at her desk. I drop down into my chair and look over at our connecting doors, and think about what Leo said. Josh shouldn’t have to “bounce back.” I think we should be here to give him anything he needs. I know everybody wants things to get back to normal. I’m not sure anybody wants that more than me. But I don’t see what’s so bad about helping him out and making things a little easier on him for a while. 

I stand up and cross to our adjoining door. I tap lightly on it, call his name, and poke my head in. Josh is sitting behind his desk rambling things off and she’s sitting in a visitor’s chair scribbling down his instructions. Everything looks normal in here. 

“You need something, CJ?” he asks looking up. 

“Umm...no.” I decide. “It can wait until later.” 

“Kay.” he says then turns back to Donna. I close the door and pause on my side of it with my hand on the knob. 

Well, that was weird.


	12. All the King's Men

DONNA’S POV 

Something’s not right with Josh. Something hasn’t been right with Josh for weeks, actually. At first I thought it was a clearance thing and he couldn’t tell me. Early on, I learned how to read those signs. But usually, you can tell if it’s that by the rest of senior staff; if they’re meeting a lot behind closed doors, or if any of the others are freaked out. That’s not the case. 

The second thing I thought about was maybe this is the next step in a Josh-relationship. He’s stumbled into me sideways, and now he’s waiting until I can’t take his meanness anymore and I break up with him. I thought that maybe the heat from being back in the White House was becoming too much. I mean, after all, he was right. Not everybody is bursting with joy for us. I mean, the people we care about are, but there are those that have been...well, let’s just say none too supportive. 

It was really heartbreaking to think like that. I mean, I thought that we could handle anything. I really did. I thought we’d be different. I couldn’t stomach the thought of transferring away from him. Because I’d have to. It would be too heartbreaking to work with him every day knowing that I couldn’t kiss him anymore, or the slightest touch would be completely misconstrued. 

All the signs were there. He was snapping at me. A lot. He’s been in his office with the door closed a lot. He’s been distant. The nights we don’t spend together, I can’t get him on the phone. I really thought this was it. 

But for some reason, I’m pretty confident that’s not it. Because the nights we do go home together he holds me like if he lets go, I’ll disappear. He apologizes and whispers he loves me in the dark when he thinks I’ve fallen asleep. And his eyes show fear, not discord. I saw how he looked before he broke up with Mandy. That’s not what this is. 

When I ask him what’s wrong, he gets standoff-ish, or short tempered and snaps at me. But there’s confusion in his eyes. 

I’ve spent quite a few sleepless nights playing this over and over in my head. I searched for anything that I might have done that he’d be unhappy with. I think about work and at home. I can’t think of anything. I can’t pinpoint when this tension in him started. It just sort of...developed. 

The nightmares are still continuing. I can tell when he’s had one when I wasn’t there to sooth him back to sleep. He comes in in the morning looking haggard, like he’s going to drop where he’s standing. 

Finally, it was too much for me to shoulder on my own and keep in. I called my mother, and crying my eyes out, laid it all at her feet. It helped to get it off my chest. My parents had only met Josh twice before, but they like him. They’re not all that supportive, truth be told, of us being involved and still working together like this. My mother doesn’t like how it looks. But she’s made her feelings on the subject known once and that was that. Thankfully, she’s not a harper. I know she wants me to transfer departments; she knows I won’t. 

It was during this tear-filled conversation with my mother that I literally smacked myself in the head for not calling her earlier. My mother’s a psychologist. She said that it sounded like Josh might be having lingering issues with the shooting. She said it was pretty common in people who have experienced a traumatic experience. When she started talking about it, it all started making sense. Nightmares, startling at loud noises, withdrawing into himself... 

So, the problem became, what the hell do I do about it? Josh says nothing’s wrong. What am I going to do? Say, no, no, Josh, my mother, who you’ve met twice, says there is something wrong with you, by the way, you don’t mind that I told her you were coming unhinged, do you? 

Yeah, not so much. 

I, along with several other occupants of the bullpen, nearly jump out of my skin when Mallory goes stomping by, into Josh’s office, and slams the door. 

What the hell? 

Shit. I can hear her elevated voice through the door, but I don’t hear Josh’s. I walk over to the door and put my ear briefly against it. I hear Mallory going on about Ainsley Hayes and Sam and I don’t know what the hell she’s talking about, but Josh hasn’t said a single word. 

Screw it. I’m going in. I knock lightly and slip inside, closing the door gently behind me. Mallory is pacing back and forth in front of Josh’s desk rambling on about how he was supposed to be helping her with this. Josh is....well, Josh is not looking like he’s paying the slightest bit attention. In fact, Josh is looking like he’s not even aware of the fact that Mallory’s in here. He’s got his head in his hands and his elbows resting on his knees. He looks pale. 

I place my hand on Mallory’s shoulder. She stops abruptly and looks at me. I nod out to the bullpen. She looks annoyed, but she follows me. I gently close the door and ask her what the hell is going on. 

“He’s supposed to be helping me with Sam.” she huffs. Ah yes, she upheld her end of the bargain, though didn’t do a good job with it, and she’s looking for him to uphold his. 

“Did you see him in there?” I counter. “I don’t think he’s feeling very well.” 

She thinks for a moment and nods. “I’ll come back later.” She walks away, but I see her head into CJ’s office instead. I guess she’s going to try and lay it all out for CJ’s help. 

I slip back into Josh’s office and he’s the exact same way I left him. I move slowly over to him and kneel down before him. I rub his forearms gently, but don’t do anything else. I don’t want to unintentionally freak him out or anything. He drops his arms and looks at me. Well, quite frankly, I can’t figure out if he’s looking at me or through me, if you want to know the truth. 

I reach up and stroke his cheek with my thumb. 

“Help is on the way.” 

 

DONNA’S POV 

I’m sitting in Leo’s office talking to this shrink from ATVA. Everyone else is at the Congressional Christmas Party. Josh was going to take me so I could see Yo Yo Ma. But after his blow up in the Oval Office, Leo wants him to meet with these guys tomorrow, so I’m in here now giving him some background on Josh and what I’ve noticed of him the past few weeks. Josh didn’t even bat an eye when I told him I wasn’t going after all. In fact, he just shrugged and turned to catch up with the rest of senior staff. I think under normal circumstances, that would have really upset me, but these are not normal circumstances. This is the way he’s been. 

“How long have you and Josh been together?” Dr. Keyworth asks me. 

“How long have we been involved in a romantic relationship or how long have we worked together?” I counter. 

“Both.” 

“I started working for him almost three years ago. We’ve been in a romantic relationship since the shooting.” He nods and writes something down. I’m left wondering if that’s a bad thing, but if he thinks so, he doesn’t say it. 

“Leo tells me that you two have a different working relationship than the rest.” Dr. Keyworth says. 

“Well, we’re romantically involved.” I point out again. 

“Before that?” 

“We’ve always been close.” I nod smiling. “We just hit it off right from the start.” 

“Were you there the night of the shooting?” 

“No.” I say quietly. And I’ll probably always regret it, quite frankly. I wasn’t there when he needed me. When I think of how scared he must have been there all by himself, waiting for someone to find him... 

“What has Josh said to you about what’s going on with him?” 

“Nothing.” 

“Nothing at all?” Dr. Keyworth asks. Didn’t I just say that? 

“I ask him what’s wrong, he says nothing.” I say. “I’m not going to push him. If he wants to talk to me about it, he will.” 

“Obviously he doesn’t want to talk to anyone about it.” the good doctor counters. 

“Is this how you’re going to be with him?” I ask. 

“How’s that?” 

“Confrontational.” I say. I mean, if I feel like I got a bright light shining on my face, I can’t imagine how Josh is going to feel tomorrow. 

“I’m going to talk to him.” he says. 

“Are you talking to anyone else besides me?” 

“I’ve already spoken to Leo. I’ll be talking to CJ, Sam and Toby later tonight.” 

“The whole senior staff.” I nod. 

“All the King’s Men.” 

“Interesting analogy.” 

“Why’s that?” 

“They couldn’t put Humpty Dumpty together again.” I remind him. 

“I don’t think I’m going to have that problem.” He says. “You’re the reason I’m here, Donna. Leo called me because you told him Josh was having problems. Why don’t you stop protecting him and help me help him.” 

Yeah, this guy’s going to go over like a ton of bricks tomorrow.... 

 

JOSH’S POV 

I wince when my hand comes in contact with Donna’s mattress as I slide into bed next to her. I went home after the Congressional Christmas Party, but I couldn’t stay there anymore; I couldn’t be alone. She turns in my arms and kisses me. 

“How was Yo Yo Ma?” she asks curling into my chest. 

“He’s Yo Yo Ma.” I reply. The truth is, I can’t remember. I don’t know how he was. I can’t remember a thing from the concert. Everything about this night is freaking me out. 

“You all right?” she asks. 

She’s been asking me that a lot lately. I give her my standard answer of “fine,” and though I know she doesn’t believe it, she nods anyway. It occurs to me now that I’m once again sponging off her strength. I’ve been shamelessly doing that since the night I got shot. She seems to have an endless supply for me. 

“Actually, that’s not true.” I say softly. I can feel her tense a bit in my arms. “I don’t want to meet with that guy tomorrow.” 

She sighs and looks up at me. “I met him tonight.” 

What? 

“That’s why I didn’t go to the concert.” she continues. “Leo said he wanted to talk to me and the others before he talked to you.” 

Well, then...I have absolutely no idea what to do with that information. This guy is digging around on me, talking to my friends and my girlfriend, no less, behind my back? What kind of shifty guy did Leo set me up with? 

“What’s he like?” I was a little snappier there than I intended to be. It came out like I was accusing her of cheating on me. For the life of me, I can’t figure out why I’m so short-tempered with her lately. I hate it. 

She arches a questioning brow at me and shrugs. “Sorry.” I say quietly. 

“It’s all right.” 

“It’s not.” 

“You’re nervous.” 

“If he says the wrong thing tomorrow, I could lose my job.” This scares the hell out of me. I’m wondering if that’s part of the reason why I haven’t let myself think about these issues I seem to be having. 

“You’re not going to get fired.” she says confidently. But she doesn’t know Leo and the President like I do. I’m not so sure. I pull her tightly to me, and my injured hand rubs across her bare shoulder. 

“What’s on your hand?” she asks turning her head. 

Shit. 

“It’s nothing.” I say and I’m very glad she’s not looking at me. When did I start lying to her? When she sees the bandage, she scrambles to a sitting position. 

“Josh!” she cries out in surprise. I hope she didn’t wake up her roommate. That girl hates me enough already. “What the hell happened?” 

“I broke a glass at my apartment.” I say quickly. 

“Can I look at it?” she asks and starts to pull away at the end of the bandage, but I yank my hand back. 

“You’re not a doctor.” 

“Are you going to let a doctor look at it then?” 

“It doesn’t need one.” 

“You’re not a doctor either.” 

“Donna...”I say frustrated. I don’t want to do this with her. I came here tonight because I wanted to feel better, and I’m on the defensive again. At least I can acknowledge that I’m there because of me and not her. She’s looking at me now. She looks really worried about me. That makes two of us. I have an overwhelming urge to spill my guts to her about what happened in my apartment, but I’m scared to. What if she thinks I’m crazy and leaves me? What if she becomes afraid that I’ll do something to hurt her? I don’t think I could live with her ever being afraid of me. 

We look at each other for a few moments. There seems be something of a battle of wills happening here. I know the precise moment I win because a split second later, she nods at me. She stretches herself back out on the bed and shimmies up against me. She’s now mostly under me, and I take a moment to allow my gaze to travel down her amazing body. She’s in a tank top and shorts, and she’s looking at me like I’m the most important person in the world to her. It literally pains me to think of the way I’ve treated her the last few weeks. 

She puts her hand on the back of my neck and pulls me down for a long, intense kiss. I think, and not for the first time, that her touch can heal me. I know that it can’t actually heal my mind, but it can heal my soul and provide a temporary escape from myself. I’m afraid if she lets me sink into her now, I might never find my way back out again. She seems to know this because she rolls us over and perches above me. She’s going to take the lead. She’s going to give me what I so desperately need right now, but not let me do something I’ll need to apologize for later. 

I am, again, at a loss for words. My uninjured hand slowly travels up the side of her body and tangles into her silky hair. How can someone so young, be so wise? She told me she was tuned to me. She was bantering at the time, but it’s true. I want to tell her that I love her, but the moment speaks for itself. 

She amazes me.


	13. All the King's Men

JOSH’S POV 

HOLY SHIT! 

I practically jump out of my skin again as there’s another knock on the door. Stanley’s really freaking me out, I think. Donna pokes her head in tentatively. 

“I’m sorry to interrupt.” she says softly, but I welcome the intrusion, and I don’t really care what Dr. Rectal-Probe over there thinks about it. “I was just coming to take lunch orders.” Stanley and Kaytha smile and politely refuse, but Donna says that Leo McGarry insists and then she goes into a little thing where she tells them that they pay federal taxes, and the federal government is buying them lunch with it, so really, it’s no hassle for us, and they’ve really kind of already paid for it anyway. Only Donna can say something like that and make it make sense. Amazing... 

Stanley and Kaytha reluctantly put in an order then and Donna turns to me. 

“I’m not hungry.” I say. 

“I’ll bring you a turkey sandwich.” she nods. Okay. Is everyone ignoring what I’m saying today? 

“I said I wasn’t hungry.” I repeat a little more tensely than I would have liked. She looks at me and then glances over at Stanley. I think she’s making the logical leap that I’m a little on edge with what’s happening in this room and decides to cut me some slack in my tone. I love her so much. 

“I know what you said. My ears are connected to my brain, Joshua. But I’m getting you something to eat anyway. You can eat it later. You didn’t eat breakfast.” 

I roll my eyes. I normally don’t mind when she handles me like this, but having her do it in front of this guy is a little unnerving. I mean, he’s like analyzing my every move and word here. 

She disappears back out the door and I immediately miss her presence in the room. It suddenly feels colder and darker. 

“Let’s talk about Donna.” Stanley says. 

“Why?” 

“You told me before she was your assistant.” 

“She is.” 

“But she’s also your girlfriend.” 

“She is.” 

“Why didn’t you tell me that before?” 

“We’re in the White House; here, she’s my assistant.” I reply. I don’t like him calling my relationship with Donna into question while we’re in this building. Donna and I have taken tremendous pains to remain professional here. Sometimes it’s not easy. 

“She said you got together after the shooting.” Stanley informs me. 

“I’m not really comfortable with this subject.” I say defensively. If he gives me some crap now about how we got together under heightened emotional circumstances, I think I’m going to explode. 

“You’re not comfortable talking about the woman you love?” he counters. 

“Not in this context.” 

“What context is that?” 

“The context where you tell me some crap about heightened emotional circumstances leading to our relationship, and that’s not the way it is with us.” Look at that, I exploded all on my own. 

“I wasn’t going to say anything like that.” 

“Well, I can’t figure out why else you’d be interested in her because she wasn’t in Rosslyn that night.” 

“No. But she’s been there every step of the way since, and your friends have all talked about her.” 

“She’s well-liked around here.” I say backing off a bit. 

“I can imagine. She seems very nice.” 

“She is.” 

“She seems to love you very much.” 

“She does.” 

“Your friends say you love her very much.” 

“I do.” 

“I’m just wondering why you’re continuing to hurt her.” 

*************************** 

LEO’S POV 

“Donna, don’t you dare go in there again.” I say, just as I round the corner and see Donna about to knock on the door of the room where Josh is meeting with Stanley. 

“I just wanted to see if they wanted any coffee.” she says. She gets her wide-eyed, innocent look on her face. Normally, I fall for it. Today, I know she just wants to check on Josh. 

“They don’t need coffee.” I say. 

“Maybe he wants water.” 

“They’ve got a fresh pitcher in there.” I assure her. 

She looks crestfallen. I can’t say I blame her. I feel the same way. Mostly everyone else has gone home when it became apparent there was no end in sight. Sam, Toby, and CJ were hanging around, but I sent them home. It’s not often I actually do that. I mean, if the senior staff wants to basically live here. I got no problem with that. There’s plenty for them to do. But, I just had a feeling that maybe Josh isn’t going to want to see a bunch of people when he gets out of there. I’ve been to a therapist, they’re pretty draining. 

There’s no way Donna was leaving this building without him though, which worked out well because we decided to double-team Josh on going to the ER to have his hand looked at. It is getting pretty late though. It’s 9:30 on Christmas Eve. I think Stanley wanted to catch a flight back to the west coast tonight. I’ll have to have Margaret set him up on the red eye. 

Donna’s eyeing the door again. She looks like she’s going to overpower me and go in anyway. She could do it, too. She’s a tough kid, especially when it comes to him. 

“Donna, there’s no electric shock therapy happening in there. They’re not going to take him out of there in a straight jacket.” 

“I know.” she says softly. See, this is where she gets me. A single tear slips out of her eye and falls dejectedly down her cheek. She’s tough this one. She could definitely give my Mallory a run for her money. 

“Go back to your desk, Donna.” I say. “If Dr. Keyworth wants to get back home at a reasonable time, he’s going to have to be out of here in half an hour anyway.” 

She sighs and gives one last sad look at the door. She turns and, shoulders slumped, heads back to her desk. She’s a good girl. She really is. She’s perfect for him. So far, they’ve worked out okay here. There’s been some snide remarks and one or two nasty editorials, but everyone seems to be staying away from them for the most part. I mean, really. Who wants to tell the guy that got shot serving the President that he can’t fall in love? It’s tough for people to jump on him right now. 

I watch her as she disappears into the bullpen. With one last look at the closed door, I head over to the crossover lobby to wait for him to be finished. 

***********************

JOSH’S POV 

“You’re becoming less and less amusing, Stanley.” I say rising out of my chair and beginning to pace. 

“There goes that second date.” 

“What do you mean hurt Donna?” 

“Do you lie to her a lot?” 

“What the hell are you talking about?” I demand. I’m becoming incredibly agitated. What part of “I don’t want to talk about Donna” does this guy not understand? 

“Your hand.” He says point to where my injured hand is currently resting on my hip. Enough with the god damn hand already! Who gives a shit how I hurt my hand! This guy apparently. “You haven’t told her the truth about how you hurt your hand?” 

“Is this couples’ counseling?” I demand. 

“No.” he says. “She’s obviously very devoted to you, and she’s very good at protecting you. She’s pretty hurt by the way you’ve pushed her away.” 

“She said that to you?” I ask quietly. 

“She didn’t have to.” he says. 

“I told you how I hurt my hand.” 

“What did you tell her?” 

“I cut it on glass.” 

“What kind of glass?” 

“A glass.” 

“You said you cut it on glass.” 

“No, I didn’t. I said I cut it on a glass. You know what? I’m done with this.” I say. “I’m not talking about Donna anymore. She’s got nothing to do with this.” 

He looks at me and nods. I’m sure he’ll bring the conversation back to her somehow. I’m just not understanding why he’s finding Donna so fascinating. I wish she were in here right now. She’d stop this madness.


	14. All the King's Men

DONNA’S POV 

The clock in the bullpen moves to 10 p.m. That’s it! Time’s up! Leo said it wouldn’t go past 10. I’m going to spring Josh. I power down my computer and grab my coat and tote bag. Then I head into his office and shut down his computer, grab his lap top, not that he’ll be working on it, it is Christmas Eve, grab a few files and put them in his backpack, not that I’m going to let him work tomorrow, it is Christmas Day, and his coat and head out of here. I still have to take him to the ER here. This is what follow up sessions are for. 

I come busting into the lobby and my heart stops. He’s in there talking to Leo. He looks tired; he looks freaked out; and he looks a little worried. But he looks beautiful to me, because he also looks lighter, like a weight has been lifted. 

I’m at his side, helping him shrug into his coat and we say good night to Leo. I’m getting him out of here. He doesn’t say a word as I literally drag him from the building and down to the road. I have a pretty good stride going, but he stops to listen to the carolers out front, and I have to pull him away. 

We don’t wait too long in the ER to get into an exam room. He’s uncomfortable being here, and I don’t blame him at all. So am I. 

We’re sitting on the exam table together waiting for a doctor to come in, and I’m holding his injured hand in mine. He drops his head to my shoulder and I lean mine against his. 

“Donna?” 

“Yeah, baby.” 

“I like the sound of that.” 

“What’s the matter?” 

“Are you mad at me?” he asks quietly. 

“No.” I say immediately. “I’m not mad at you, I’m mad for you.” 

“Why?” 

“I wish your suffering would stop.” 

He props his chin on my shoulder and kisses my cheek. He’s so vulnerable tonight, and I just want to get him home and under the covers. I want to get him away from people who ask him questions. I want to get him away from people who are studying him and analyzing him. I want to get him away from the good-intentioned, but prying eyes of our friends. I just want to get him away. 

“I didn’t hurt my hand on a glass.” 

“I know.” 

“You do?” he asks amazed. 

“I don’t know what you did, but I know you didn’t do that.” I confess. I haven’t wanted to push him. 

“I put my hand through a window in my living room.” This was my fear; that it was self-inflicted. 

“So, you’re telling me your apartment’s cold and we should go to mine?” I ask lightly. 

“It was supposed to get fixed today.” 

“Why would you do that, Josh?” I ask quietly. 

“I couldn’t make the sirens stop. Apparently, the music’s been some kind of trigger to me and it makes me hear sirens.” 

I close my eyes as I process what he’s saying. Toby’s had music in the White House for weeks now. Last night, Yo Yo Ma was probably more than he could handle. 

I turn to him and take his face in my hands, leaning in and kissing him gently. 

“He said I have post-traumatic stress disorder.” he continues. Okay. Now I see why he’s freaked out. He was actually diagnosed with a mental disorder. 

“So what?” I say. 

“I work for the President.” 

“What’d Leo say?” 

“I can keep my job.” 

“All right. So what are you worried about?” 

“I blew up in the Oval Office. What if it happens again?” 

“He didn’t recommend anyone for you to follow up with?” I demand. 

“He’s going to call after Christmas with names.” 

“So you’ll follow up with someone.” I say. “What about your old Stanley? Can’t you go see him?” 

“He’s retired.” 

The doctor comes into the exam room and smiles. “Mr. Lyman, good to see you again. Of course, I’d rather you not be injured, but at least this time you seem to be doing a lot better than last time I saw you.” 

“Last time?” I ask glancing over at Josh. 

“I was on the trauma team when you came in with the President.” the doctor explains. He picks up Josh’s hand and unwraps the bandage. Josh turns and puts his head on my shoulder facing away from the doctor. 

“Well, that’s some cut you’ve got there.” the doctor says. “Let’s get that fixed up.” 

**************************** 

JOSH’S POV 

Thank God for Donna. She picks up my other hand, while the doctor goes to work on the injured one. I can’t stand to look at it. I can’t stand to be reminded of what I’ve done. Donna brings her other arm around me and gently rubs my back. She’s always there for me. 

She kept popping in the room today. I think Stanley was starting to get a little annoyed by it, but I was glad she did. Each time she did, it reminded me why I cared enough to talk to Dr. Keyworth to begin with. 

The doctor’s diagnosis keeps ringing in my head. Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. I guess repeating that phrase over and over in my mind is better than reliving the shooting. It sounds like I’m a crackpot though. I think I’d rather the fear of rectangles. 

I think about the way people are going to react when they find out. I can see the looks of sympathy and wariness now. Every time something stressful happens, I’m going to get covert glances from everyone else, wary looks wondering if I’m going to lose it. I don’t like appearing weak, and I don’t like people thinking I’m weak. That’s an imploding career in this town. 

Donna turns her head to mine. She whispers “I love you” in my ear, so the doctor can’t hear. 

“Thank you” is all I can manage back. She knows I love her. She’s not going to get all freaked out now if I don’t tell her. I’ll tell her later. Right now, it seemed more important to thank her for being what she is. Thank her for being compassionate, nurturing, amusing, loving, caring, intelligent, a caretaker; thank her for being so tuned to me that she picked up on what I couldn’t, what the others refused to acknowledge. 

I’m going to marry this woman. Maybe not this year, maybe not until after the election, but I am. This woman is going to be the mother of my children. She may not realize it yet, but I think she does. Quite frankly, I’m not 100 percent sure she didn’t figure that out the day I handed her my ID badge. She’s always looked at me with an expression that seemed to say, “I know a secret.” 

“What are we going to do tomorrow?” she asks. I think she’s striking up a conversation to pull me from my current thoughts of mental disorders. 

“I got a few ideas.” 

“Yeah, I bet you do.” she giggles. 

“We’re going to watch It’s a Wonderful Life.” I smile. “It’s on t.v. all day.” 

She smiles back. “There’s also an Audrey Hepburn marathon on.” I roll my eyes dramatically at her. But, I don’t mind. I’ll watch them all with her. I’d love to curl under the blankets with her and stay there all day. I’ve determined that tomorrow I’m going to wake up with her and start shaping the kind of life I want with her. One of love, laughter, and happiness ever after; of dreams and children. I want all my milestones to be with her. 

I glance up at the clock and smile. “Donna, it’s 12:01.” I say softly. 

“Merry Christmas, Josh.” she smiles with a kiss to my forehead. 

“Merry Christmas.” 

“All right, Mr. Lyman. You’re all set.” the doctor says standing up. I look down at my now cleaned, stitched, and neatly bandaged hand. “I’ll give you a prescription for an anti-biotic. We’ll send you home with some to get you through tomorrow, and you can take some regular Tylenol for any pain you have.” 

“That’s it?” I ask. 

“That’s it.” the doctor confirms. 

“So, he’s going to live then?” Donna smiles. 

“He’s going to be just fine.” 

THE END


End file.
